Angola 1969

"Doesn't look like he's gonna last much longer - there's nothin' I can do for him now."

Standing in the crude hut, Jim Murray turned to his commander and continued, squinting as the relentless midday sun streamed in through the open doorway. "It's down to him. The fever's burnin' through his body and it could go one way or the other. I'm no doctor - best just wait and see what happens."

Looking with concern at the thrashing figure outlined in the hard, narrow bunk, Richard Lasson sighed. "You've done what you can Jim. Pity though - Bodie's a good kid and bloody handy in a fight."

At that moment the young man in question was seized by a particularly violent convulsion and the older men moved quickly to his side. The scent of sweat and pain hung heavy and rank in the humid air and dark shadows beneath eyes and sunken cheeks swore to the severity of the illness.

Resting a hand against Bodie's forehead, Murray inhaled sharply, "Christ! His temperature's through the roof, Rick...there's no way he's comin' out of this one. Even if we had any bloody penicillin I couldn't give it him - he's allergic, for god's sake!" Moving to an upended crate nearby he said more quietly, "I'll stay with him and do what I can."

Before the other man could sit, Lasson shook his head. "Sorry Jim but I can't spare you. If we don't get moving now we'll never hit the target on time. I know it's rough but you said yourself that there's nothing you can do for him." Glancing regretfully at Bodie's waxen pallor he concluded, "he'll still be here tomorrow when we get back from the op ...alive...or dead. But you sitting holding his hand won't make a blind bit of difference."

Accepting the truth behind the commander's statement, Murray nodded slowly. "I know, Rick...but nobody should die alone like this. Not even blokes like us."

Shepherding Murray out of the hut, Lasson took a final look at the young soldier who had joined his mercenary unit a few months before. Shaking his head, his lips curled into a sad smile as he closed the door. "No Jim, not even blokes like us."

---

The murmur of voices that had been floating around his head seemed to recede and Bodie strained to make sense of disjointed words and phrases.

... no way he's comin' out of this one...

... a good kid...

... nothin' I can do for him...

... nobody should die alone...

It was incomprehensible. Everything was just a jumble of sound and light; reality and fantasy combining to paint strange images in his mind. He wasn't even sure if anyone had just been there or not...time seemed to be displaced and he couldn't remember where he was. Shuddering as a wave of nausea passed through him, he tried to turn his head to look and instantly regretted it. The pain behind his eyes was excruciating and any movement of his lids felt like sandpaper across his corneas.

Where was he? What was the matter with him?

Every joint felt swollen and hot and he ached all over. He was shivering violently yet his skin felt simultaneously fevered and icily clammy. What was the hell was wrong with him?

Grunting as needle-like pain shot through his body, he tried to turn to his side and curl into a ball...anything to get away from the gnawing torment lancing through him with every heartbeat.

Then amidst all the crippling agony he suddenly felt a moment of peace. He was sure that a cool hand touched his cheek, leaving a soothing trail as it travelled across his skin. Moving slowly he attempted to open his eyes but was stopped by the same gentle caress now accompanied by a throaty whisper.

"S'okay sunshine. Don't you move...let me do all the work, eh?"

The calm words were quickly followed by the sweep of a moist cloth and Bodie sighed in relief as his sweat-slicked skin felt as if it belonged to him once again. Fingertips lightly skimmed his body and wherever they touched a cleansing balm seemed to be left behind. The fiery ache and intense heat of pain that was muscle deep, cooled and gentled in the wake of those knowing fingers.

Summoning a strength that had previously been beyond him, Bodie carefully opened his eyes. Through long, dusky lashes he caught his first glimpse of the person responsible for easing his nightmare. Sunlight was behind the figure and that, along with a halo of chestnut curls, contrived to give the face the look of an angel...until the man smiled. It was a cheeky grin, warm and yet knowing, that broke across the face transforming angelic features into those of merely a man.

But what a man.

The eyes were dark...brown, Bodie thought, no...more likely green...yes there, green as they glinted in the hazy light.

A strong nose lead the willing eye to view an inviting mouth; lips plump and appealing and as they parted with an earthy chuckle, the sight of a pink tongue flicking across one chipped tooth reinforced the fact that this was definitely no angel.

An angel? Through the mist of his fevered thoughts, Bodie laughed silently to himself. No angels out here mate...no, more chance of finding Old Nick himself...probably enjoy the heat as well. So that must be it, he was looking into the face of a little devil! Hmmm...a devil...who'd have thought it? No...that couldn't be right though, could it? It was just a man...had to be but still...he'd never known anything quite like this before. Such strong hands...hands that touched him so lightly, so gently. He didn't care if this was hell, as long as those beautiful hands were stroking him he could lie here forever.

The stranger obviously sensed his charge's return to consciousness and the smile broadened as he continued to bathe Bodie's naked body with skill and care.

"There you go, mate. No need to worry - we'll get you sorted out - never you fret."

The voice was English and had a comforting almost familiar tone that at once put Bodie at his ease. However he was still confused; his thoughts in a jumble as the rigours of the fever still cut a swathe through his tortured mind. Feeling a little stronger, as the roaming hands soothed his feverish skin, he tried to raise his head.

"Who are you?" he managed to croak out between parched lips before his head fell back against sweat soaked pillows.

Immediately those cool fingertips swept the sodden hair from his brow and lightly stroked across his forehead and down his pallid cheeks.

"Hey, steady on, mate. You just lie there nice and still and let me take care of you, okay? It's what I'm here for, after all."

A tin cup was brought to Bodie's cracked lips and he gratefully drank down a mouthful of cool water. The liquid tasted so good; he couldn't remember having tasted anything like it since his arrival at the camp. That was right - the camp - he was in Angola with a team of mercs. His memory slowly regaining some focus, Bodie pondered his current situation. Everything about this seemed too good to be true. This angel of his for one thing. Mind you, with a face like that...yeah and then there was that laugh... no...this was no cherub! A devil - must be - he'd been right the first time. Definitely no angels here.

So who was this stranger and why was he here?

Despite his insecurity Bodie recognised that the words and actions of this stranger were kind and caring and he felt safe in a way that he couldn't begin to remember, even since his childhood. He forced his head up once more to whisper his thanks before descending into the somnolent aftermath of his fever, where he existed for a while in a hazy netherworld caught between wakefulness and sleep.


Time seemed to pass and as the stranger tended his pain wracked body, Bodie slowly felt himself returning to some kind of normality. The ferocious hammering behind his eyes was dulling and the aches in his joints were being massaged away by gentle fingers. Awakening suddenly from a light doze Bodie snapped open his eyes, frightened that the apparition that had nursed him so kindly would be gone.

As if reading his mind, his saviour reached out a long fingered hand and ran a set of work worn knuckles down Bodie's cheek.

"Don't worry - I'm still here, mate. I'm not going to leave you. Gotta make sure you get better first, haven't I?"

Relief flooded through him as Bodie sagged back against the mattress. Feeling a little stronger he asked, "Who are you? New to the camp? Haven't seen you before."

The man's smile grew hesitant and his gaze flickered away from Bodie for a moment before returning. "The name's Ray. Pleased to meet you, sunshine."

"Bodie."

"I know that mate," was the solitary, cryptic comment before Ray changed tack. "Feeling any better?"

"Yeah, thanks. Still so tired, though." This was reinforced by a wide, yawning sigh.

"S'okay," Ray laughed, his eyes glittering with reflected mirth. "You just lie back and relax - the sleep will do you good. Nothing like it for healing, so they say."

As if seeing the fear in Bodie's eyes Ray smiled, shaking his head ruefully and running a featherlight fingertip down the line of Bodie's nose. "Don't you worry - I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here when you wake up."

With the sound of that gruff chuckle soothing him to sleep Bodie drifted once more into blissful unconsciousness.


He wasn't sure how long he'd slept but this time when he opened his eyes the shadows were long and it seemed that night had come. He couldn't hear anything beyond the hut except the relentless noise of bush insects but he knew instinctively that Ray had not left him. Stirring himself he realised that the soothing hands that had tended him before were now holding his fingers in a warm embrace.

Shifting slightly in the bed, even this small movement must have alerted his companion and once again the now familiar voice dragged his eye lids open.

"There you are, mate. Was wondering when you were going to wake up. How you feeling?"

Bodie smiled and nodded, "Better thanks." He swallowed some of the refreshing water once more placed to his lips.

"Glad to hear it."

The cup was removed but the welcome touches of the lingering hands remained. Bodie closed his eyes, revelling in the feel of gentle fingertips that slid from his face to neck to shoulders, taking on the essence of tender caresses ghosting over his flesh. In his weakened state he rejoiced in the sensations of intimacy and desire that the knowing hands evoked. It had been so very long since he had felt cherished and he was eager for more. Opening his eyes once again he tried to vocalise the thoughts and emotions that churned within him, in a single tentative word.

"Ray?"

As if understanding all the unspoken longing and need behind the solitary whisper, the man sitting at his side smiled and nodded slightly. "Okay, Bodie. It's okay."

The details of what happened next were lost to Bodie in a sea of sensuous, languid touches, gently spoken words and warm kisses. Hands that had nursed and tended his ills now wrought another kind of magic. His skin prickled and thrummed with want wherever those clever fingers touched. He cried out as branding fingertips were replaced by a greater heat of fiery lips and tongue tracing a moist path down his writhing body. He felt his muscles tense as the hot cavern of Ray's mouth descended on his weeping erection and perfectly balanced suction and teasing licks brought him to the edge of climax again and again. A searing tongue blazed a trail along the length of the wide, throbbing vein that ran the length of his aching cock and wet open mouthed kisses were scattered across the sensitive head. Encouraging fingers skimmed across the taut skin holding his heated balls and with a final incoherent shout Bodie was at last allowed to flood his lover's mouth with his pulsing seed.

With barely a pause for Bodie to pant and regain his breath that same mouth pressed hotly against his own, sharing the remnants of his spent passion. Ray thoroughly tracked and mapped the interior as lips, teeth and tongues glided together in a sensual dance.

Anxious to try and return the pleasure, conscious of his previously passive enjoyment, Bodie slid his arms around the naked body of the man pressed closely against his side.

"Ray," he whispered. "What do you want?"

Strong arms drew him into a tight embrace and moist words ghosted across his ear, conquering him with their simplicity.

"You, sweetheart. I just want you."

Heart beating furiously, Bodie pulled the curly head around and sucked at passion reddened lips. Not trusting himself to speak for fear of revealing just how much this man had come to mean to him in a few short hours, he nodded once and rolled over onto his stomach.

Kisses rained down upon his neck and back and careful hands rubbed at fever sore muscles. Throaty whispers murmured unexpected endearments and Bodie felt himself teetering on the edge of a chasm. Falling in love was impossible; it was stupid, it was wrong...he wouldn't let it happen.

Conscious thought fled as patient caresses from oil slick fingers carefully prepared his body and he struggled to get to his knees, raising his arse for such tender ministrations. Then with a long, slow glide Bodie felt Ray pierce and enter his waiting body.

The feeling was overwhelming, not only was he now physically complete - it was as if a missing piece had finally slid into the jigsaw puzzle of his soul. Exhaling with a long, lush sigh Bodie felt his carefully constructed emotional walls begin to crumble. He realised that it was useless to fight it; love had been waiting for him all along in the depths of those laughing, green eyes.

Regaining his breath and motioning his acquiescence with a roll of his hips, Bodie's shaft began to pulse and swell with pleasure as Ray began to fuck him in earnest. The heavy push and pull of the hardened flesh within him created a searing friction that stoked the level of his arousal even higher. Every stroke of Ray's cock burnt a path of fire along his nerves and climax all too soon roared through him as he felt Ray's semen spilling into his welcoming body.

Floating in a sated haze, Bodie felt himself turned and pulled into a strong embrace. Tender kisses peppered his face and then his head was cushioned on a well-muscled shoulder while knowing hands rubbed soothing circles across his back. Breathing in the musky aroma of sex and Ray, Bodie smiled as he drifted off to sleep; the sounds of a familiar throaty chuckle echoing through him.

---

The noises of men, equipment and camp life drew Bodie from a deep, refreshing sleep. He opened his eyes and then quickly shielded them against the bright morning light of a new African day. Stretching his arms above his head he chuckled, amazed that apart from some residual aches in his muscles he felt as good as new. Looking around the small hut he could see no sign of Ray and so proceeded to get dressed in readiness for finding his lover. As he was standing and buckling his belt he heard a sound behind him and looked into the shocked face of his commanding officer.

"Bodie!" Lasson shouted, clearly surprised to see the soldier alive let alone standing. "What the hell? We thought you were on your death bed!"

Unable to prevent a wide grin from splitting his face, Bodie shook his head and laughed. "Me too, sir. In fact I don't think I'd have made it through without Ray."

Lasson stared at the younger man. "Ray who? What are you talking about, Bodie?"

"Don't know his last name...just Ray. He must be someone new, eh? He'll be back soon, I expect he's just gone off to get some grub. I'm starving...feel like I could eat a horse!"

Shaking his head and giving his subordinate a worried look, Lasson spoke quietly. "Sorry son but we've had no new men in since the rotation last month, you know that. There's no Ray - in fact the company's just got back into camp and you're the only one that was here last night."

Bodie felt his legs start to buckle and he eased himself onto the narrow bed before he fell. "W-what, sir? That can't be right - he was here. He looked after me and got me through the fever - stayed with me all night."

The commander noticed a faint blush stain the young man's cheeks but refrained from commenting. "Bodie - look - I'm sorry, son but there couldn't have been anybody here. Even if there had've been and he'd left early, we'd have seen him on the route back - you know there's only one path in here and it's visible for miles around. It must have just been a hallucination - that fever was playing hell with you, after all."

"No sir! He was here. His name's Ray - about five foot ten with brown curly hair - "

A compassionate but stern, "No, Bodie," cut off the desperate comments. "There is no Ray."

Turning his head away from Lasson, Bodie seemed to collapse in upon himself as the fight drained from him. He spoke quietly, voice threatening to break at any moment. "S-sorry, sir. Like you say, it must have been the fever. I-I...don't feel too good all of a sudden...is it okay if I have a while to get my head down?"

Sensing the fatigue and distress washing through the cowed man who was gripping on so tightly to the edge of the bed, Lasson nodded sympathetically. "That's okay, Bodie - get yourself sorted out. Just be ready to move out tomorrow for the Ahasi op. Right, lad?"

Squaring his shoulders and taking a deep breath, Bodie looked up and answered steadily, "Yes, sir. You can count on me."

As the door closed behind his superior, Bodie slumped back down on to the bed, dragging one of the pillows against his chest. He inhaled deeply...desperately seeking out the aroma of Ray...but all he smelt was stale, cold sweat. Burying his head in the fabric Bodie cried silent tears and slowly began to rebuild the walls surrounding his aching, empty heart.

---

Seven years later

William Andrew Philip Bodie, newly assigned agent 3-7 in CI5 walked along the corridor at a brisk pace. He had just left the office of his controller, George Cowley and was on the way to meet his partner for the first time. Cowley had told him that operative 4-5 was ex-Met and that he had high hopes for their partnership. Bodie, always competitive and driven to succeed, was keen to prove his superior right. He no longer questioned his almost compulsive need to win; single mindedness and determination were cold bedfellows but at least they helped to mask the emptiness that lived within him. Knowing completeness and love, only to have it ripped away in one irretrievable moment had taken a hard toll on him yet he hid the ravages well. To the outside world Bodie presented a faultless, urbane faade that had stood him in good stead as he rose through the ranks in the Paras and later the SAS.

Stopping before the door to the agents' break room, Bodie quickly cleared his mind of such mental clutter and squared his shoulders before walking in to meet the man who was to be his partner.

The room had only a single occupant who must obviously be Doyle. The man was standing by an open window with his back to the room. A light breeze carried in the sounds of the street below and from his viewpoint in the doorway all that Bodie could see was a slim figure in well-worn jeans with a head of brown curls. The bright Spring sunshine reflected on gently blowing curls and Bodie caught his breath as an image from another lifetime washed through him.

...a chestnut halo...the face of an angel...a beguiling smile...an enticing laugh....

All at once he was transported back as memories crowded his mind. He could feel the heat of the African night, hear the sounds of the chirruping insects in the bush and taste the warm, wet tongue of the man who had, for a few short hours, made him feel complete.

Cursing himself for a fool and praying that his voice wouldn't break, Bodie whispered, "Ray?"

The man at the window swung around and smiled hesitantly, a pink tongue flicking across one chipped tooth. "Hello? You must be Bodie, eh? Ray Doyle - pleased to meet you, sunshine."

Quickly blinking back the threat of tears and knowing that he was grinning like an idiot but unable to care about it, Bodie offered his hand to the man now walking towards him. Smiling, green eyes met with his own and as their hands touched, Bodie - for the second time in his life - knew a moment of perfect peace. He felt the cold place that had been buried so deeply within him begin to thaw and spark back into life...defences came tumbling down...he had found his missing piece once more.

With a sense of coming home, Bodie whispered, "Good to see you, Ray."

At last, the long wait was over.

-- THE END --

Originally published in Motet Opus 4 in B and D, Keynote Press, 2000