The Professionals Circuit Archive - Christmas Past and Future

Christmas Past and Future

Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyrights held by anyone having anything to do with THE PROFESSIONALS or THE CHIEF. No one is making a profit here and I promise to return Bodie and Doyle when I'm done with them.

The big family room of Ray Doyle's house was festively decorated. He, his four children and their spouses had done it earlier in the week. A huge spruce had a pride of place by the stairs, garland was threaded through the banisters, and even mistletoe was hung over the door. It was a happy scene, but for the people in it.

Ray leaned back against the sofa to get more comfortable, he was holding his friend and partner while he slept. He hoped Bodie would sleep for a while. Alan, Bodie's long-time lover, had been dead for 10 months and Ray knew that Bodie still wasn't sleeping right. After 25 years of sleeping with someone, when they weren't there anymore, it was hard to sleep. Doyle knew the problem only too well himself, Kelly'd been gone for 3 years, now.

It was Christmas Eve; Bodie's first without Alan. And, although he put up a good front, Ray knew he was hurting badly. The partners were by themselves for the first time in years, many, many years.

At the beginning there had just been the two of them. For more than 6 years, Bodie and Doyle had spent each Christmas Eve together. Whether they were working or not, they always managed to mark the evening somehow.

Smiling to himself, Ray remembered the third Christmas they'd spent together...

Ray was very cold. He and Bodie had been sitting in a dark cold car watching a house from across the street. Bodie had put a 6-inch plastic Christmas tree on the dash of the Capri, to try and lighten the mood. It was a nice thought, Doyle conceded, but he was still cold.

"Damn," Ray complained, again. "But it's cold."

"You'd think the Cow would have a bit of mercy on us," Bodie responded, "it's Christmas Eve, after all."

"I don't think it matters to him," Ray intoned, shivering.

Bodie reached into the back of the car and pulled out a blanket. "Here, sunshine." He handed it to Doyle. "This might keep you a bit warmer.

"Thanks, mate."

"Can't have you freezing to death on Christmas Eve."

"Be just my luck."

Bodie laughed.

'S'not funny Bodie, I wanted to spend Christmas Eve in a different place. A warm place."

"What would be your ideal?" Bodie asked.

"Hmm, let's see. A big roaring fire heads my list right now."

"I'll bet." Bodie smiled. "What else?"

"What's the point of it?" Doyle grouched.

"Well, if we have to be here, we can at least imagine what it should be like." Bodie sounded so damned hopeful, he had to indulge his partner.

Doyle didn't know if Bodie was trying to distract him or imagine it himself. Either way it would pass the time.

"Okay. A big tree with lots of lights, tons of pressies under the tree, a huge Christmas dinner -- traditional dinner with a turkey and all the trimmings."

"Yeah." Bodie sighed.

Ray could tell that Bodie definitely liked that last one. The man thought with his stomach.

"Anything else?"

Doyle thought for a moment, "No. I think that covers it."

"You want to be alone?"

"Nah, you and me and a couple of birds." Ray paused. "Maybe later on, I'd like to have a wife and kids. Be great fun, We'll switch houses each year. I do hope you find yourself a wife who's a really good cook." Ray smiled to himself, he liked the image, him and Bodie with their wives and kids, far in the future.

Bodie was suddenly very quiet. Doyle turned to look at him through the dim light of the street lamp outside the car.

"What?" Doyle asked, knowing immediately something was wrong, although he could not imagine what.

Bodie looked down at the seat, not meeting his eyes. Ray put a hand on his partner's shoulder. "Bodie?"

Bodie seemed to shake himself and looked up and grinned charmingly at Doyle, but his eyes had lost their previous sparkle. The fun had gone out of the game somehow. "Was lost in thought, sorry. Your vision sounded nice."

Ray was having none of it. He had seen the hurt look on Bodie's face. "Tell me, Bodie."

"Ray, leave it." Bodie begged, looking at anything other than Ray.

"No. Tell me what hurt you."

Bodie sighed. "I'm not likely to marry."

Doyle laughed, relived. "Sure you will, just need to find the right bird. There has to be one out there somewhere who'd have you."

"No. Ray you don't understand. It's not that a bird won't have me. It's me who won't have her."

Ray blinked. "I don't understand."

"I fancy men over women."

"Bodie, what are you saying? I've seen you with a million birds. I've even seen you fuck a couple. You've had more women than any man I've ever seen. What do you mean, you fancy men? Since when?"

"Since always. Just the way I am, mate." Bodie admitted quietly.

Ray knew he had better say something fast, but he had no idea what he was supposed to say. He wasn't prejudiced by any means, but he was surprised. Very surprised. And pissed off, why the hell hadn't Bodie told him sooner?

"Look," Bodie started."If you want to be re-teamed. I'll understand."

"Are you insane?" Ray yelled at the top of his lungs. The sound filling the car and making Bodie wince.

He was livid! How could Bodie even think such a thing? "RE-TEAMED!?" He yelled again. "What kind of prat are you? What kind of prat do you think I am?"

Bodie looked startled. "I thought..."

"Don't think mate, it's not your strong suit." Ray couldn't believe him. But he continued on, thinking maybe he could reassure his none to bright friend. "What did you think? -- that I couldn't accept it? That I'd give up the best friend, best partner I ever had because he fancies men?" Doyle panted, trying to catch his breath. He was so angry. "How could you have so little faith in me?" Doyle let the hurt show in his voice.

Bodie hung his head. "Sorry. I should have known better."

"You're damned right you should have," Doyle said, but in a less aggrieved tone. "And you should have told me years ago."

"Was afraid. It's not an easy thing to admit," Bodie replied quietly.

"Cowley know?" Doyle asked. He'd keep Bodie's secret, but he hoped that Bodie was smart enough to let the old man know.

"Yeah, Cowley knows everything."

"Good."

"You really don't have any problem with this?" Bodie asked, obviously looking for reassurance.

"No." Ray told him in all seriousness, putting a comforting hand on Bodie's shoulder. "I don't have any problems with you being gay. You're still my best friend, the best partner I've ever had and I love you Bodie."

Then he added for good measure, "Of course it means I have to change my little fantasy some. But you have to find a mate who can cook, since I know from bitter experience you can't."

Bodie laughed delightedly. "I promise to try and find someone who can cook."

"Could always send him to classes if he can't," Ray suggested. "Someone in this family has to be able to cook aside from me. I'm not gonna spend my life cooking for you and everyone else."

Ray stretched his legs out and settled onto the sofa. He held Bodie more closely and sighed. Bodie had been so relieved that Ray accepted him without a qualm. Not that there had been any question of that as far as he was concerned.

They had been much closer after that Christmas. They had become each other's family.

A couple of years went by and then Ray had met and married Kelly Keegan and the three of they spent a couple of Christmas Eves celebrating together.

Ray had been out of CI5 by then, his new computer business flourishing. Ray had been delighted that Bodie and Kelly had gotten along so well.

Finally Bodie had met Alan Cade and there were four for Christmas Eve.

There were children after that. Ray smiled softy he'd never expected to be the father of four children. He'd only wanted two, but compromised at three with Kelly who wanted four. Of course, she'd had twins. He sighed, Bodie had been no end amused by that.

Bodie'd been proud as a peacock when Ray'd named his first son William Andrew. As if he'd have called his first son anything else.

Now Kelly and Alan were both gone, and only he and Bodie remained. His kids, all grown now, would be coming by later tonight, but for now it would be just him and Bodie and their memories of other Christmas Eves.

Ray smiled as he remembered the first one with all four of them, which was also the first in this house.

The tradition could have ended right there. Alan and Bodie had been so awkward, not knowing for sure how to act with others presence. Things had changed a lot in the last 30 years. But then...

Ray looked around at the big room and smiled in satisfaction. He, Bodie and Alan had spent a good part of the afternoon wrestling the huge tree into the room. Kelly had insisted they have a big tree in the new house. Ray was ever indulgent, and had talked Bodie into helping. Now all they had to do was decorate the bloody thing.

"Well, where are the decorations?" Bodie asked, looking eager to begin, his blue eyes sparkling with barley concealed glee.

He could be such a kid at time, Ray thought, always eager for simple joys.

"You want to decorate this thing?" Ray asked incredulously. He didn't want any part of it and was actively thinking about getting a beer and letting Kelly do it. After all it was her idea.

"Yeah, it'd be fun," Bodie cajoled, when that didn't work he tried pouting.

"Not for me, mate. I want no part of this," Ray assured him with a smile.

Bodie turned toward Alan as he came into the room dusting off his hands. "What about you?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah, I've always liked decorating the tree. Haven't gotten to do it in a very long time." Alan smiled indulgently at his lover. He reached out to touch Bodie, but pulled his hand back without connecting.

"I'll leave you two to it, then," Ray said, upset that Alan hadn't felt comfortable enough to touch Bodie in his presence. "The decorations are in those boxes over there." He pointed to a corner which had several boxes stacked in it and left the room in search of his wife.

He found her in the kitchen baking cookies for later.

She's so beautiful, Ray thought, not for the first time. Kelly Doyle was tall and slender. Her cinnamon-colored hair was pulled back in to a long pony tail. Doyle never failed to be moved by the sight of his wife.

He tried to snatch one cookie from the cooling rack, but she smacked his hand.

"They're for later," she scolded, smiling at him. Her face alight with laugher.

"Aw, please, just one..." Ray begged unashamedly, blinking down at her with wide eyes.

He loved her cookies. If only she could cook as well as she baked, but her cooking was barely fair. Good thing one of them knew how to cook, he decided.

"Okay, just one."

He knew she couldn't resist him.

Ray knew he needed to discuss the situation with Alan and Bodie with her. His smiled faded.

"What?" she asked, her smile fading too.

"How do you feel about Bodie and Alan being here?" he asked, knowing that this could be a very uncomfortable.

"What do you mean?" she looked up at him, confusion plain. "I love Bodie, he's like a brother to me. You know that."

"I mean with Alan?"

"Do you have a problem with Alan?" She chewed her lip. "Is he not treating Bodie well?" She looked ready to go into battle, Ray was pleased to see.

"He treats Bodie very well. What I meant was that I want us to sit by the fire later..." he trailed off. He didn't know how to put what he wanted to ask into words.

"And cuddle?" Kelly surmised, understanding what he was trying to say without his needing to explain. "And you want to know if you could let Bodie know it's okay for him and Alan to do it, too?"

"Yeah." He took her into his arms. "Well?"

"You prat, of course it's okay with me. Are you worried I'd be offended?" She put her arms around his neck and let them slide down his back.

He wiggled a bit as her fingers caressed his spine. "It's not something we've ever talked about."

"I love Bodie and I'm perfectly prepared to love his mate, too. Especially since it's likely he's related to you." Her hands had progressed to his arse and were kneading possessively.

"Yeah, Alan and I are going to investigate it."

He and Alan had realized the coincidence of their appearance would drive them both crazy. They had made inquiries with their respective families and turned up virtually nothing.

Alan's mother and Ray's father could have been in the same city at the same time. But no one on either side would confirm or deny anything else. They planed a trip to Leeds, but the trail was 48 years cold.

He leaned in and kissed his wife, enjoying the feel of her mouth against his. No matter how often he kissed her, it never failed to arouse him.

She pushed him away smiling. "Not now, sweetheart. We have company."

"Yeah, and I want to talk to Bodie about what we just talked about."

"Maybe it won't be necessary," Kelly suggested hopefully. "Maybe they already feel comfortable with us. Bodie should anyway."

Doyle remained doubtful.

When the fire was roaring in the big fireplace, the tree lit with a million little lights, he and Kelly were snuggled together on the sofa. Alan and Bodie sat apart on the hearth rug, watching the fire. Ray could feel the awkwardness between them. He knew they were afraid to touch each other in front of anyone.

But he had Kelly weren't anyone, they were family.

Ray sighed and sat up. He'd be lying with his head in Kelly's lap, enjoying her fingers in his curls. He wasn't sure what to say, but he knew that if they were going to remain close; they all needed to confront this.

"Uhm..." Ray started and both men turned to look at him. "I want you both to feel comfortable here."

Both men continued to stare at him, without saying a word. But even in the dim light Ray could see the twinkle start to form in Bodie's blue eyes and reservation cloud Alan's green eyes.

He pushed on, hoping to ease this situation. "What I mean to say..." he wasn't sure how to say it.

Bodie came to his rescue. "You want us to relax and be ourselves?"

Ray nodded, smiling brightly. "Yeah."

"Me too," Kelly added. "You're both family, one way or another."

"It's not that easy," Alan said quietly. "It's not that we don't trust you both..."

"But?" Kelly prompted.

"But, this is something I've, we've been conditioned to hide."

"Even from family?" Ray asked.

"Yeah," Alan shook his head. "From everyone."

"But we know, already." Kelly pointed out.

"I know," Alan conceded. "It's just habit. Old fears."

Ray looked right at Alan. "You're safe here. I swear it. I want us all to be comfortable together. This isn't just for now, it's for the future too."

Alan looked at Bodie, who nodded."Okay."

Bodie moved a bit closer to Alan, laying his head on the other man's shoulder. Alan draped arm around his shoulders and they just settled against each other, visibly relaxing.

Ray smiled at them, and then laid his head back on Kelly's lap, promptly falling asleep.

Waking sometime later, Ray saw that the fire had died down and the two men were lying beside the fire, snuggled together under a knitted Afghan. He smiled, it was as it should be...

There had been so many Christmas Eves between then and now, more than thirty years of them. Bodie would survive the loss of Alan as he'd survived the loss of Kelly. There were children and grandchildren, all of whom thought of Bodie as their uncle. Truly, his children had known no other uncle.

Ray's brother Frank had broken all ties with him when he'd refused to come to Christmas dinner without the rest of his family: Bodie and Alan.

Frank had a deep and abiding hatred of homosexuals. He'd never known why and didn't care. In the end hadn't matter much. He and his brother had never been close. When it came to a choice between his blood brother and his chosen brother, there really was no choice at all. Bodie had been far more upset with Frank's loss than Ray had been.

He and Alan had never been able to find out whether or not they were truly related, but had just decided that it was very likely. Whether or not they were related by blood they were related by Bodie. And that was good enough for both of them.

Bodie shifted, bringing Ray out of this thoughts. The still-black lashes lifted and sad blue eyes looked out at him.

"Sorry, didn't mean to fall asleep on you like that." Bodie started to get up.

"Nah, stay here. I like holding you." Ray arms tightened. "Been a while since I've held anyone. I'm glad you slept, haven't been doing enough of that lately have you?"

"No," Bodie admitted with a deep sigh.

"I know. It's hard, but it does get a bit better with time."

"I know, but it's the meantime that hurts so bad."

"Yeah."

"I'm glad you're here with me, if you weren't..."

"There would be William and Joe, Cynthia and David and their kids, Alan and Mary and their kids, and Georgie and Kathy and the baby, not to mention Elena, her kids and grandkids. All of whom love you as much as I do."

"No. No one loves me as much as you do, at least not anymore," Bodie told him solemnly. "And I love you just the same, sunshine."

"I know," Ray replied smiling down at the dark head against his chest.

"You realize we've been mates for more than 40 years."

"Hard to think of us as this old, innit?" Ray chuckled. He didn't feel old. "When we were with CI5 neither of us thought we'd live to be 40."

"You almost didn't," Bodie reminded him, his face serious.

Ray rubbed his own chest. "Yeah."

"But you got out in time."

"Didn't want to make Kelly a widow. It would have really pissed her off."

"Had a temper, didn't she?" Bodie remembered.

"She did at that."

They were silent for a few moments.

"Do you remember the trip to Mexico for that Christmas. Must be 20 years ago.

Bodie groaned loudly. "Yeah, every last one of your children got sick when Alan and I were babysitting in the hotel."

"You guys did well."

"You're lucky I let you live."

"Come on, Bodie, I know you loved it."

"Well...it might not have been that bad."

"You and Alan were always there for us and the kids."

"Course we were, that's what families are for, prat."

"Yeah." Ray agreed. "You ever wonder what would have happened if we'd been in love with each other?"

"You turning bi, at your age?" Bodie laughed.

What a wonderful sound. It had been months since he'd heard Bodie laugh. "Tried it on with you once remember," Ray said, remembering the incident.

"Yeah. We didn't get real far either. You kept cracking up."

"Well it was funny."

"I never got so many laughs before," Bodie complained pouting.

"Come on, Bodie it was funny. Us trying to kiss and not being able to keep a straight face." Ray chuckled at the memory.

"Just didn't feel right then, did it?"

"Not then. But still I wonder what would have happened."

"Why the sudden interest?" Bodie turned a bit to look at him.

"Just thinking about how things might have been."

"Ray," Bodie murmured. "I wasn't in love with you and you weren't in love with me. Nothing really could have happened." Bodie sighed. Then tried to lighten up a bit. "I can tell you what wouldn't have happened. William, Cynthia, Alan and Georgie."

"Too true, mate." Ray laughed.

"I remember when the twins were born, you were so surprised."

"I knew they were coming," Ray said trying for indignation.

"Yeah, but you were still in shock when we saw you two hours later.

"Was kind of surprising actually seeing two of them." Ray remembered. "Best thing was when I told Alan I was naming one of the boys after him."

"The silly sod actually cried."

"Yeah."

"Damn," Bodie sniffed, "I miss him so much."

Ray's arms tightened around his mate. "Me too. I was almost as close to him as I am to you."

"Hard to believe how close you two got, given how things started out."

Ray groaned. He remembered the first time he and Alan had met. Bodie had arranged for the four of them, Alan and Bodie and him and Kelly, to have dinner at a fancy London restaurant. Bodie had been so hopeful and Ray had been jealous, pure and simple. He'd taken an instant dislike to Bodie's lover and had been unforgivably rude. Alan had also taken an instant dislike to him and been just as rude.

Maybe it was that they looked so much alike or just that Ray had never had to share Bodie before, whatever it was he and Alan had sniped at each other through the whole dinner. Both Kelly and Bodie had been miserable.

Kelly had given him a rocket for that when they'd gotten home that night.

"What did you say to Alan when you got home that night? Kelly read me the riot act," Ray asked, even now, thinking about Kelly's anger could make him wince. Then, she had been righteous in her indignation on Bodie's behalf.

Bodie laughed again. "We argued and he admitted he was jealous, just like you. And then he staked his claim on me in no uncertain terms."

Ray raised an eyebrow, Bodie couldn't see. "How?"

"How do you think?" Bodie snickered.

"Guess I don't need the details."

"Not on that one you don't, goldilocks."

Ray smiled. "Not gold or even really brown anymore."

Bodie turned over. He reached out and stroked his hand through Ray's mostly grey curls. "True. But they're still nice and soft."

"Glad you approve."

Bodie settled his head on Ray's chest and sighed. "I don't know what I would have done without you these last couple of months."

Ray cuddled him close. "Been good for me too, mate."

Bodie raised his head a bit and looked Ray in the eyes, Ray saw something there he couldn't quite identify. Bodie shifted up a bit and kissed Ray softly on his lips.

Bodie tasted like home and comfort. And even though he'd never kissed a man before -- not counting the one time with Bodie years ago -- he wasn't shocked by it. It was still only Bodie, after all.

"Was nice," Ray murmured softly. "But why?"

"Was just thanks." Bodie replied, pulling back a bit.

"Never kissed me thanks before."

"Maybe I should have." Bodie challenged with a gentle smile.

"Yeah, maybe you should have." Ray touched his lips in wonder. He was surprised to find he wanted Bodie to kiss him again. It had been so long since he'd been really kissed by anyone, he missed the closeness.

Bodie tipped his head again, this time giving Ray a chance to really respond to the kiss. He opened his mouth to Bodie's tongue and felt a lick of desire flare up his spine. It had been quite a while since he'd felt anything like this for anyone. Three years to be exact.

Lost in the sensation of being held and kissed by someone who loved him, it took Ray a while to come to the surface. At his age, he had not expected life to take this kind of turn.

Wasn't he too old for this?

Maybe not.

"Ray?" Bodie whispered. "Sorry. I got carried away."

"S'okay. I liked it. Been too long since anyone kissed me. I hadn't realized how much I missed it."

"You always did love to kiss, you and Kelly would snog on the couch for hours." Bodie snickered.

"Missed it bad." Ray licked his lips. "But like everything else, it's better when someone loves you."

"Yeah."

"Why now?" Ray asked.

"Cause I needed a bit of closeness and I thought you might too."

Ray chuckled. "Starting to feel like it again, sunshine? Your right hand's a bit lonely, innit?"

"Been using it for a while now," Bodie admitted.

"Me too."

"Figured as much. You'd have told me if you were seeing anyone."

"Yeah. I can't stand the thought of touching anyone or anyone touching me, who doesn't love me. My right hand's better than that."

"I know. Been thinking about that for a couple of weeks, myself."

"Hard to believe we've gotten so old fashioned, innit?" Ray smiled at him.

"Yeah, but after so many years of real loving, the thought of going back to just fucking doesn't appeal."

"Not at all." Ray agreed.

"I do love you."

"S'why the kisses were so nice. Kissing and cuddling doesn't have a gender."

"Yeah, but the rest does." Bodie pointed out.

"I'm not too old to try something new."

Bodie looked surprised. "You're sure?"

"'Course, the thought has crossed my mind more than once in the last few months. I know you won't hurt me."

"I'd never hurt you," Bodie vowed. "I wouldn't want to fuck you, but if you wanted to fuck me now and again, I like it a lot."

"You would? And not want to reciprocate?"

"I like being fucked." Bodie said simply.

"Okay, but let's wait on that. Tonight, I just want to kiss and cuddle and ..." Ray trailed off.

"And?" Bodie asked eagerly.

"And maybe a bit of taking care of each other's needs without anything too heavy."

"Whatever you're comfortable with, I mean that."

"I know. You want to do it again?" Ray asked.

Bodie nodded and lowered his mouth to Ray's.

It was so sweet and comfortable. Maybe the love was all that mattered. Maybe two people who had been friends for 40 years could find something else at this late date.

It felt so good and so right, Ray was willing to follow where it led.

Bodie's head lifted again. His blue eyes peered down at him with a question apparent in them. He could feel Bodie's hard cock against his thigh and his own was definitely getting ideas on that score.

"Ray?"

"Maybe we should move this to a more appropriate location?"

"Uh..." Bodie considered it for a moment. "Are you sure, sunshine?"

"Yeah, what's the worst that will happen?"

"You'll stop loving me?" Bodie suggested, but his tone said he really didn't believe it would happen. 40 years of friendship made Bodie very sure of him.

As well he should be, Ray thought.

"Not a chance in hell of that," Ray confirmed. "If we don't get it right the first time we can try again."

Bodie smiled smugly. "Who won't get it right? You forget, I know what I'm doing here."

"And you know I don't. So, I'll let you lead this time."

Levering himself off of Doyle, Bodie climbed to his feet. He held out his arms and Ray lifted himself off the sofa and into them.

They held on tightly, Ray raised his head a bit and pressed his mouth to Bodie's. It really did taste like home.

"Upstairs." Ray nodded his head toward the stairs.

"Yeah."

"Everyone's going to be here soon."

"I'm too comfortable to move." Ray snuggled deeper into his mate's embrace. Making love with Bodie had been just that, loving, sweet and passionate, everything he had hoped it would be.

"Me too, but we must. There's a dinner to finish," Bodie told him. He lifted himself off of Ray and held out his hands. "We need to clean up, too."

Ray took the offered hand and was pulled up into his lover's arms. "I love you." Ray murmured against the pale shoulder. "Merry Christmas."

"Love you too, mate. Merry Christmas."

The End or another new beginning?

"The silly sod actually cried."

"Yeah."

"Damn," Bodie sniffed, "I miss him so much."

Ray's arms tightened around his mate. "Me too. I was almost as close to him as I am to you."

"Hard to believe how close you two got, given how things started out."

Ray groaned. He remembered the first time he and Alan had met. Bodie had arranged for the four of them, Alan and Bodie and him and Kelly, to have dinner at a fancy London restaurant. Bodie had been so hopeful and Ray had been jealous, pure and simple. He'd taken an instant dislike to Bodie's lover and had been unforgivably rude. Alan had also taken an instant dislike to him and been just as rude.

Maybe it was that they looked so much alike or just that Ray had never had to share Bodie before, whatever it was he and Alan had sniped at each other through the whole dinner. Both Kelly and Bodie had been miserable.

Kelly had given him a rocket for that when they'd gotten home that night.

"What did you say to Alan when you got home that night? Kelly read me the riot act," Ray asked, even now, thinking about Kelly's anger could make him wince. Then, she had been righteous in her indignation on Bodie's behalf.

Bodie laughed again. "We argued and he admitted he was jealous, just like you. And then he staked his claim on me in no uncertain terms."

Ray raised an eyebrow, Bodie couldn't see. "How?"

"How do you think?" Bodie snickered.

"Guess I don't need the details."

"Not on that one you don't, goldilocks."

Ray smiled. "Not gold or even really brown anymore."

Bodie turned over. He reached out and stroked his hand through Ray's mostly grey curls. "True. But they're still nice and soft."

"Glad you approve."

Bodie settled his head on Ray's chest and sighed. "I don't know what I would have done without you these last couple of months."

Ray cuddled him close. "Been good for me too, mate."

Bodie raised his head a bit and looked Ray in the eyes, Ray saw something there he couldn't quite identify. Bodie shifted up a bit and kissed Ray softly on his lips.

Bodie tasted like home and comfort. And even though he'd never kissed a man before -- not counting the one time with Bodie years ago -- he wasn't shocked by it. It was still only Bodie, after all.

"Was nice," Ray murmured softly. "But why?"

"Was just thanks." Bodie replied, pulling back a bit.

"Never kissed me thanks before."

"Maybe I should have." Bodie challenged with a gentle smile.

"Yeah, maybe you should have." Ray touched his lips in wonder. He was surprised to find he wanted Bodie to kiss him again. It had been so long since he'd been really kissed by anyone, he missed the closeness.

Bodie tipped his head again, this time giving Ray a chance to really respond to the kiss. He opened his mouth to Bodie's tongue and felt a lick of desire flare up his spine. It had been quite a while since he'd felt anything like this for anyone. Three years to be exact.

Lost in the sensation of being held and kissed by someone who loved him, it took Ray a while to come to the surface. At his age, he had not expected life to take this kind of turn.

Wasn't he too old for this?

Maybe not.

"Ray?" Bodie whispered. "Sorry. I got carried away."

"S'okay. I liked it. Been too long since anyone kissed me. I hadn't realized how much I missed it."

"You always did love to kiss, you and Kelly would snog on the couch for hours." Bodie snickered.

"Missed it bad." Ray licked his lips. "But like everything else, it's better when someone loves you."

"Yeah."

"Why now?" Ray asked.

"Cause I needed a bit of closeness and I thought you might too."

Ray chuckled. "Starting to feel like it again, sunshine? Your right hand's a bit lonely, innit?"

"Been using it for a while now," Bodie admitted.

"Me too."

"Figured as much. You'd have told me if you were seeing anyone."

"Yeah. I can't stand the thought of touching anyone or anyone touching me, who doesn't love me. My right hand's better than that."

"I know. Been thinking about that for a couple of weeks, myself."

"Hard to believe we've gotten so old fashioned, innit?" Ray smiled at him.

"Yeah, but after so many years of real loving, the thought of going back to just fucking doesn't appeal."

"Not at all." Ray agreed.

"I do love you."

"S'why the kisses were so nice. Kissing and cuddling doesn't have a gender."

"Yeah, but the rest does." Bodie pointed out.

"I'm not too old to try something new."

Bodie looked surprised. "You're sure?"

"'Course, the thought has crossed my mind more than once in the last few months. I know you won't hurt me."

"I'd never hurt you," Bodie vowed. "I wouldn't want to fuck you, but if you wanted to fuck me now and again, I like it a lot."

"You would? And not want to reciprocate?"

"I like being fucked." Bodie said simply.

"Okay, but let's wait on that. Tonight, I just want to kiss and cuddle and ..." Ray trailed off.

"And?" Bodie asked eagerly.

"And maybe a bit of taking care of each other's needs without anything too heavy."

"Whatever you're comfortable with, I mean that."

"I know. You want to do it again?" Ray asked.

Bodie nodded and lowered his mouth to Ray's.

It was so sweet and comfortable. Maybe the love was all that mattered. Maybe two people who had been friends for 40 years could find something else at this late date.

It felt so good and so right, Ray was willing to follow where it led.

Bodie's head lifted again. His blue eyes peered down at him with a question apparent in them. He could feel Bodie's hard cock against his thigh and his own was definitely getting ideas on that score.

"Ray?"

"Maybe we should move this to a more appropriate location?"

"Uh..." Bodie considered it for a moment. "Are you sure, sunshine?"

"Yeah, what's the worst that will happen?"

"You'll stop loving me?" Bodie suggested, but his tone said he really didn't believe it would happen. 40 years of friendship made Bodie very sure of him.

As well he should be, Ray thought.

"Not a chance in hell of that," Ray confirmed. "If we don't get it right the first time we can try again."

Bodie smiled smugly. "Who won't get it right? You forget, I know what I'm doing here."

"And you know I don't. So, I'll let you lead this time."

Levering himself off of Doyle, Bodie climbed to his feet. He held out his arms and Ray lifted himself off the sofa and into them.

They held on tightly, Ray raised his head a bit and pressed his mouth to Bodie's. It really did taste like home.

"Upstairs." Ray nodded his head toward the stairs.

"Yeah."