(Written for the_safehouse livejournal community "title" challenge (title: "Firestarter," by Stephen King))


"Bodie?"

"Yeah, Ray."

"I'm cold."

"I know."

"You sure we can't start a fire? Just a little one?"

"S'not safe. We should be okay here until dawn, but we light a fire and Stafford's goons'll find us for sure."

"Right."

"How's the head? Feels like the bleeding's stopped."

"Ow! It'd feel better if you weren't digging your great clumsy paws into it."

"Sorry. Too dark to see properly. Headache?"

"Yeah. Not too bad though. I'm all right, Bodie."

"I know. Just got to hold out tonight. Come daylight, we'll slip into town and call it in."

"I'll be glad when this is over."

"Me too."

"First thing I'm doing is taking a long, hot bath. Then I'm sleeping for two days straight."

"I see. Leave me to report to Cowley. Fine partner you are."

"Perks of being the injured party. You get the paperwork."

"No need to be so smug about it."

...

"Ray?"

...

"Hell, you're shivering. Why didn't you say? Never mind. Slide over here, mate."

"What..."

"That's it. Lean against your Uncle Bodie and just relax."

"God, you're warm. Why are you so warm?"

"All that good, clean living."

"Yeah, right."

"You don't think I eat all those swiss rolls, just because I like them, do you? It's all part of the plan. Nice layer of fat between me and the cold. S'lovely."

"You telling me you've been stuffing your gob for years just so you'll be warm in the cold night air? Good one, Bodie."

"It's the mark of a professional to plan ahead. Can't help it if you haven't real vision."

"Oh, shut up."

"When we get back, I'm shoving swiss rolls and bacon sarnies down your throat like a Strasbourg goose."

...

"Fatten you up until you can't slide into those tight jeans of yours. Your birds'll be thanking me for your jiggly new love handles."

"Stop it. Stop making me laugh."

"Next time you lean against a wall, it'll topple right over."

"Ah God, I think I hurt myself."

"Bet you're warmer now. Laughter burns calories, you know."

"Yes, I'm warmer now. Idiot."

"Think you could get some rest now?"

"With the patented Bodie blanket keeping me warm? Sure."

"Night, Ray."

...

"Hey, Bodie?"

"What?"

"Sooo... is that a torch in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

...

"Bodie?"

"Sorry. What with being undercover for almost a week, I haven't had me conjugals in a while."

"I guess I can't be complaining that you're too hot-blooded, now can I? That'd be true ingratitude."

"You can stop sniggering any time now."

...

"I mean it, Ray. You want me to get up and leave you to shiver by your lonesome?"

"No, no. Don't leave me, Bodie." sob "Please, don't leave me!"

"Git."

"Heh."

"If you'd stop squirming, it'd go away."

"I'm not squirming. I'm shivering because I'm cold!"

"Stop shivering then."

"I can't."

"All right. Look. Bring your knees up. That'll keep your front warm."

"Ow, ow. Can't. My trousers are too tight."

"Could have told you that."

"Shut up. Wait. Okay. Yeah, that's better."

"Ray, did you just unzip?"

"...no."

"You telling me that was why they were too tight?"

"Shuddup."

"Because you told me Stafford's sister came on to you and you had to lull her suspicions. So you, you randy old goat, haven't any excuse."

"Yeah, well, if someone wasn't poking me in the backside..."

"Why, Ray, I had no idea."

"So help me, Bodie."

"I mean, this is so sudden."

"I'm warning you."

"You should have said something, sweetheart. Ow! Bloody hell, Ray."

"Warned you, didn't I?"

"I was just joking around. Don't be so sensitive."

"It's embarrassing enough, as it is."

"Sorry. At least, we're both embarrassed. Two manly blokes like us."

...

"Ah, don't go sulking. Was just a joke."

"Bodie, I'm not in the mood. My head hurts, I'm cold, and I'm too wound up to sleep."

"No wonder you're so cranky. Here, hang on."

"Bodie! What the hell are you doing?"

"Have you sweet-tempered in no time. Better than a sleeping pill, this is."

"No! You can't..."

"Do squirm around a bit more, would you? It's inspiring."

"Damn it, Bodie. Stop it."

"Shhhh. Relax, Ray. Just a helping hand. That's all."

"Bodie..."

"It'll distract us both from the cold. Let me."

...

"That work for you? Want it faster?"

"No. No, that's good."

"There you go. Just relax and enjoy it."

"I can't believe... Oh God."

"What if I do this?"

"Oh GOD."

"You are such a slut, mate."

"Hey! Who is it has his hand down my trousers?"

"Tell me you aren't enjoying it."

...

"Oh God, yeah. Do that again."

"Like that, do you, Bodie? Who's the slut now?"

"Christ, I'm going to come in my trousers."

"That mean you want me to stop?"

"Hell no. I take back any complaints about your squirming. You could give bloody hula lessons, you could."

"Don't let me distract you from your job."

"Huh? Oh, sorry. Better?"

"Mmm... yeah."

...

"Oh yeah."

"Feel good?"

"What is this, twenty questions? Yeah, it feels good. Shut up."

"Sorry."

"I can feel you laughing, you know. It's putting me off."

"Right. Serious business. No laughing."

"Bodie!"

"Concentrate, Ray. Or I'm wasting some perfectly good wrist action here."

"I'm concentrating."

...

...

...

"Bodie. Faster."

"Yes, sir. Faster it is."

"Don't... don't stop."

"Not gonna, mate. Keep going."

"Bodie!"

"C'mon, Ray. That's it. Almost there."

"Yeah, yeah... Ohhhh.."

"Oh Christ! Hang on. Shift a little this... yeah, like that. Just... just take me a second."

...

"Oh fuck."

...

"Fuuuuck..."

"Here, let go, you ham-handed bastard. Gonna have bruises on my hipbones. It's a wonder your birds don't complain more."

"God, I needed that."

"I can tell. Stop wheezing in my ear, will you?"

"Just let me catch my breath."

"Macklin would give you hell for being this winded."

"Yeah well, Macklin's not gonna find out, is he?"

"God, not from me."

...

"You know, even though it's too dark to see anything, I can feel you grinning at me. Pleased with yourself?"

"You going to be able to sleep now?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"My pleasure."

"Berk. Wake me when it's my watch."

...

"Ray, you awake? Ray?"

...

"Sleep well, you nasty little bugger."

...

"Bodie, d'you jus' kiss me?"

"No. You're dreaming. Go back to sleep."

"'Kay. Jus' checkin'. G'night, Bodie."

"Night, Ray."

-- THE END --

July 2005