Penguin Blues


Written for agentxpndble

"A PENGUIN?" The screech could be heard throughout the hallways and corridors of Whitehall. "How the hell did this happen, 4.5?"

Ray Doyle shuffled his feet and looked as confused as Cowley. "I have no idea sir. We'd just parked our cars - we managed one inch today, sir." At Cowley's incredulous look, Doyle hastily continued, "As the cars screeched to halt, we leapt out of our cars, and Bodie, in celebration, jumped onto his bonnet." He paused, unsure how to continue.

"Go on, man." Cowley growled, his frown deepening.

"Well, that's just it sir. I don't know what happened next. One minute he was William Andrew Phillip Bodie, the next a penguin!"

As Doyle spoke Bodie's hated first names, the animal in the corner made a loud, angry noise and waddled over to where the curly haired agent was standing. As Doyle watched, it pecked him in a very painful area. Doyle bent double, tears stinging his eyes.

"For fuck's sake, Bodie." He managed to grunt out, in between waves of pain, "why the hell did you do that?"

The penguin, to everyone's astonishment, raised an eyebrow and looked - well, almost amused. It stood at the side of a still-hurting Doyle and waited.

Cowley was not amused by this turn of events. "This is not good enough, at all. Doyle, you need to go back to that area, and 'park' your cars again, see if it will reverse the action. Take the penguin with you, and do not come back until I have 3.7 fit and ready for work. Murphy can go with you."

Doyle, now fully recovered, glared at the penguin. "Come on, trouble. Oh sir?" He turned back towards his boss. "Can I have a lead and collar for him?"

Bodie-penguin chased him out of the room, stabbing at the back of his thighs with his beak.

Coming out of the VIP lounge, Murphy was amazed to see Doyle racing down the corridor, with a penguin hot on his heels. Upon reaching him, Doyle grabbed hold of him and attempted to hide behind the dark haired man.

"Another of your practical jokes, eh, 4.5? Don't involve me." And he tried to peel Doyle off of him. Unfortunately, Doyle's grip was tight, and there was no way he could manage to get rid of him easily. Giving up, he asked again "So what's the story here?"

The penguin just stood watching, blue eyes glaring at the childish behaviour of his partner. Ray smirked. "That penguin is Bodie. No, don't laugh, it really is!" He protested as Murphy gave him his most disbelieving look. "And I need - we need you to come with us, right now."

Loosening his grip, he transferred that hold to Murphy's arms and manhandled the protesting tall agent down the corridor. Bodie-penguin followed in their wake.

"Take your car down to Wilson Avenue, stay at the end by Jackdaw Road, okay? I'll be at the other end - we need to recreate the scene Bodie and I did earlier."

"And what scene would that be? Oh for fuck's...don't tell me that we are gonna drive towards one another and brake until we are about one inch apart?"

"You've got it. Now, come on. I want my Bodie back, and you are gonna help me do it."

Murphy rolled his eyes. "Well, he's certainly quieter this way." At the sharp peck on his thigh, he continued, "But still trouble. Fine, anything for a bit of peace. I have a date tonight, and I don't want to be late for it, okay?"

"Fine, fine. Just...come on, okay?"

Murphy got into the silver Capri, along with the penguin; Doyle into his own gold Capri, and they headed out towards that particular avenue. Once there, the two cars faced each other.

Doyle picked up the RT. "Murph? Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be. What're we aiming for?"

"One inch. Is Bodie all right?"

Murphy glanced over to the animal to find it nodding vigorously. "It would appear so - the animal's actually nodding. No, don't hurt me, otherwise I won't drive this bloody car."

Doyle laughed out loud as he could imagine what Bodie was up to now. "Right. On my mark? Three. Two. One. GO!"

The two cars raced towards one another at quite a speed. Pedestrians on the pavement watched in amazement as, almost on top of one another, the two cars braked hard. Tyres squealed and left black marks on the tarmac as they slowed and came to a halt - one inch apart.

The pedestrians were even more amazed to see a penguin jump out of the silver Capri and leap onto the bonnet. Inside the two cars, Murphy and especially Doyle were crossing fingers that this would work. Doyle had also closed his eyes, and was making his pleas to a God he wasn't even sure existed.

A dark head popped through the open window and yelled, "It worked!" and scared Ray half to death. He jumped a mile, then turned to see his fully grown male human partner standing there, beaming.

"Yes! Thank god for that!" Ray grinned back inanely, aware of strange looks from passers-by but not at all bothered. "Jump in, lets get you back to Cowley."

"'Ang on a tick." Bodie removed his head and walked across to where a very bemused Murphy was, leaning against the silver car.

"Thanks mate. Thank Christ it worked!"

Murphy gave his friend a mock-punch. "You're welcome - don't do it again, because next time I will be unavailable. You wanna turn into a zoo? Do it at Regents Park." Murphy glanced at his watch. "Shit, gotta run. I have a hot date, and I'm not keeping her waiting. See you later Bodie, Doyle."

Doyle waved at him, and beckoned Bodie across. "Come on, William, let's not keep the cow waiting. He wants his blue-eyed penguin back."

Bodie glared at Doyle, then, as his friend put his foot on the accelerator, bent his head and bit Ray's thigh. The car swerved as Doyle yelled. "Bodie! What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

"Revenge, mate."

"Listen, you want revenge, you wait till we get home..." These words left Bodie dumbstruck and Doyle giggling.

Bodie was to find out later that night Doyle wasn't joking.

-- THE END --

June 2005

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