Pink Fur

"NO!"

"C'mon Ray, you know I--"

"I said no."

"Why not?"

"Why? Because they're pink and covered in fur."

"Yeah, but--"

"But nothing. If I say yes to this what's next? A dress? A nun's habit, what?"

"But I just wanted to--"

"I know what you wanted you kinky sod!"

"But I'm trying--"

"You want to restrain me. I'll bite...literally if you want. But we'll use standard issue handcuffs not these pink, fluffy...abominations."

"I'll make it worth your while."

"What were you thinking buying these? Where did you buy these... Make it worth my while? How?"

"I want to use the fur cuffs because they go so well with these."

"Leather gloves? I've seen those before, had those before and--"

"Look closer."

"Christ do those gloves have fur palms?"

"Yeah."

*click*

---

Hot Blooded

"Lizards are fascinating."

"Christ, we've been on stake out duty too long if that's the best conversational gambit you can come up with. You want me to take over with the binoculars?"

"Crown has pet lizards. Come and look. They're in the tank on his desk."

"So he does... So what fascinates you exactly?"

"Well for a start there's how long their tongues are..."

"You've got a complaint about my tongue?"

"No, but you can't really compare it to a lizard's now can you?"

"I guess not."



"Fuck Ray! Give a bloke some warning! That's just... Your tongue wins hands down, alright! I'm sorry. Fuck!"

"In a while maybe... There are definite advantages to being hot blooded. Bodie."

---

Respect the Rubber

"I can't believe you've never done this before, Ray."

"First time for everything, mate."

"Right. Well the first thing to remember is that it's all about the breathing."

"I'm not a bloody idiot. Of course it's about the breathing. That's why we're here. You're supposed to be showing me how to do it right, not to be stating the bloody obvious!"

"Temper, temper. Well, first off, remember to be good to your rubber. If you don't put it on properly, or worse still, puncture it, there'll be bloody hell to pay."

"Right. Respect the rubber. Got it Bodie. Now about the breathing..."

"Always in a rush you."

"If you don't want to teach me, Murphy offered and he--"

"Fuck Murphy."

"Not right now though--"

"Forget Murphy! As I was saying Ray... Put it in your mouth. Yeah, you've almost got it right."

"Like this?"

"Put it back in!"

"bldyknwitall"

"Try not to speak else you won't get a tight enough seal around it."

"..."

"Alright then. Slide it in a little further... That's right... now bite down hard...

"..."

Good! Any questions?"

"Tell me again why Cowley thinks I need to learn to Scuba dive?"

---

Butter fingers

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Perfection incarnate, that's me mate."

"You bloody wish."

"Well with just enough flaws to be interesting. Which one of my fascinating flaws has caught your eye?"

"You've been dropping things all week, Bodie. Not like you at all."

"Give over, you're imaging things."

"No, I'm not. Monday you managed to drop my holster. Had to scramble to pick it up. Yesterday you threw me that sandwich... and missed me by a mile. I had to bend over the desk to retrieve it. Lucky the bag didn't rip."

"Unlucky your jeans didn't"

"What?"

"Yeah, lucky that."

"Then this morning you dropped the Harrison file when you were handing it to me. Went all over the damn floor. I was scrambling around on my hands and knees and you didn't even offer to help."

"Too busy enjoying the view."

"Did you say--"

"Fuck you. I said, fuck you!"

"Good idea. Wondered how long you were going to waste having me crawl around on the floor."

"..."

"Have I showed you the broom closet? There are lots of things you can knock over in there."

-- THE END --

May 2008