Five Little Ficlets and a Pair of Haiku
A Hard Lesson
"Didn't think you were going to answer the RT."
"You're not on duty, why are you--"
"Remember last night, Bodie?"
"Christ Ray, you're not still angry are you?"
"Are you using the binoculars?"
"Course I'm using them. How d'you do surveillance?"
"Block of flats to your left. Look up at the roof."
"Bloody hell, what are you doing up there?"
"So good, so hot and salty and--"
"D'you know how long it's been, I--"
"I love the slickness on my lips. Can you see how shiny they are Bodie? Or do you need to see more?"
"Look I'm sorry. There, I said it."
"You're sorry about what?"
"I'm sorry that I ate too much last night and passed out on the couch when you wanted my complete" Bodie glanced down at the RT in his hand "attention."
"Then get your arse down here now!"
"Anxious are we?"
"Yeah. I'm starving and it looks like you've still got some chips left."
"You never learn do you?"
"Ray... why are you unzipping your jeans?"
"And I'm eating the rest of the bloody chips an all!"
"You cheated, admit it!"
"Ah Bodie, you'll just have to accept the fact that some of us have naturally superior intellects and--"
"For a cricketer you're not a very gracious loser are you?"
"Christ, it's like listening to a broken record. Did you see me cheating?'
"Then how did I do it, Sherlock?"
"I'm not sure, but I notice the one thing you haven't said is no Bodie, of course I didn't cheat. So how did you do it?"
"... It's so bloody obvious! You broke into the office last night and copied the test."
"I don't need to..."
"Bodie, let go of my arm...Where are we going?"
"It has a lock on the door, I've got handcuffs and you've been a very bad boy."
"That is a rabbit Bodie, a mammal in the family Leporidae--"
"Smart-arse. I meant what's it doing in your flat?"
"His name is Reginald. Think it suits him."
"I wouldn't know. I'm Army, to me a rabbit is a good dinner. I'm not in the habit of naming dinner."
"Please, not in front of Reginald."
"Right. I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings."
"He belongs to the Carters upstairs. They're on holiday for a couple of days and asked if I'd take him in. He's no trouble."
"Still say he'd look good in a pot with some potatoes, carrots and--"
"What are you doing?'
"What's it look like I'm doing, I'm picking him up. He likes it if you rub him behind the ears, like this. And look. If you lay him on his back, and scratch his tummy really gently like this, in slow spirals--"
"--just like this, low down, it's like he's hypnotized."
"Put the rabbit down Ray."
"I want to see if you can hypnotize me."
Of Zombie Rabbits and German Redheads
( for Schnuffi)
"Why are you in my bed?"
"Had a nightmare."
"Nightmare. There were giant zombie rabbits everywhere that were hypnotizing people and then ripping their throats out. They were being controlled by this insane German redhead and--"
"And it scared you enough that you had to get in to bed with me?"
"You're scared of zombie rabbits and German redheads? And I rely on you to watch my back?"
"No, I'm not scared of zombie rabbits and German redheads I'm--"
"You're naked! What are--Aaaah! I don't care how scared you are, there's no reason to grab my--"
"Then why? Hmmm... And why are your fondling my arse?"
"The redhead said you wanted me to and I wanted to too, so here I am. All right?"
"So what else did this insane, but obviously very wise, zombie controlling redhead tell you to do?"
"... And I thought zombies only sucked brains..."
"No, no, no!"
"It has to be quick, Ray."
"No slow. Definitely slow. Very slow."
"Well, I want to do it quick."
"Not while I'm in charge."
"And who put you in charge?"
"Be reasonable. I'm the one who knows how to do it properly."
"Just because you've done it before you think--"
"See, I'm the one with experience, you just admitted it, so we'll do it my way."
"But you have no sense of rhythm."
"Bloody cheek! Here's me trying to improve your performance and--"
"Sorry. You're right. I can't believe the Cow's making me do this."
"He just wants to make sure your technique's up to scratch."
"Bloody Cowley! All right, where were we?"
"Here, right here. So put your right hand in the small of my back--"
"Yes, like that. Don't forget you're leading. Now, slow, slow, quick, quick, slow!"
"Bodie, why's your hand on my arse instead of on my back?"
"I thought once we finished with the Cha Cha we might fit in a quickie of our own."
Forbidden -- a pair of haiku for the lads.
Faded blue conceals
An earthly heaven revealed
Just in Bodie's dreams.
High black guard conceals
Forbidden hard pale landscape
Doyle longs to stroke.
-- THE END --