Locked in a Cupboard


"He's locked us in and gone out, hasn't he?" Doyle said ominously in the darkness, sounding remarkably calm under the circumstances.

"Looks like it," Bodie's disembodied voice wafted back to him very close to his ear.

"Christ, that's all we need..." Doyle said disgustedly.

The cupboard where they were trapped was of the under-the- stairs sloping variety. At its highest point the ceiling was no higher than five feet, and at its lowest...well, at its lowest there was simply no ceiling at all because it sloped right down to the floor. In addition, the cupboard was no more than six feet long and two feet across, and, to make matters worse it was obviously used as a pantry of some kind because it had rows of shelves jutting out along one side, jam-packed with jars and tins and packets of food. As a result there was no possible way they could avoid hunched-shouldered very close proximity to each other. And just to add the finishing touch to their predicament, it was pitch black too, and very cold, with only hard plastic lino covering the floor.

"At least we won't starve," Doyle said as brightly as he could. "Seems to be enough food in 'ere to last us till Christmas."

"Yeah, and we won't die of suffocation either," Bodie said morbidly with a deep sigh, nodding at the tiny wire-meshed window behind them, which was slightly ajar and had to measure all of six inches by three inches.

"Yeah, we'll have a bit of light in the morning, too," Doyle said, trying to look on the bright side.

Bodie was tired of standing with his head buried on his chest with his knees bent, and so, with another deep sigh, he sank down on the floor, leaning back against the shelves. There was a loud clatter of falling tins as he did so. He sat with his arms hugging his knees, feeling marginally better than when he'd been standing up. At least there was a chance of getting rid of the crick in his neck now.

"That'll teach us not to keep a proper look out when we're searchin' someone's house," Doyle said moodily, wise after the event. "Bloody pathetic. Like a couple of amateurs."

"Well, we didn't have time to find anywhere else to hide, did we?" Bodie pointed out irritably by way of excuse. "He was through that front door before we knew what'd hit us. Christ, Ray, Cowley's gonna love this. I even forgot to bring my R/T. Left it in the car. You got yours?"

Doyle shook his head.

"Oi, cloth-ears, I asked if you'd got your," Bodie's stentorian voice repeated.

It dawned on Doyle that it was impossible for Bodie to have seen the negative shake of his head because of the pitch darkness. "No," he said, "left it in the car, too, didn't I?"

"Right bloody pair of clowns, aren't we?" Bodie said with feeling.

There was no reassuring answer to that so Doyle stayed silent. "Can you see me at all?" he asked, after a minute.

"Just your feet - vaguely..." Bodie said, "but that's only cos you've got your white sneakers on."

"Is there room for me on the floor?"

"Dunno. Try it and see," Bodie said unhelpfully.

Two seconds later, Doyle landed on top of him, legs in the air. There was another loud clatter as several more tins joined them on the floor.

"Christ, Ray, gerroff, will you?" Bodie protested, wriggling out from underneath him, and banging his head on one of the shelves in the process.

"Well, I can't help it can I?" Doyle said impatiently. "S'not enough room to swing a cat in 'ere, and if you think I'm gonna stand up all night you've got another think comin'."

"We'll have to take it in turns standin' up then," Bodie panted, grunting with the effort of shifting Doyle.

"Hang on...hang on..." Doyle said, not liking to be manhandled quite so roughly. "Just stay still a minute. Let's try and work this out. Yeah, that's it. Stretch your legs out as much as you can and lie on your side...that's the only way we'll manage..."

They ended up facing each other, lying on their sides, each resting on an elbow, bodies glued together, noses touching. It was a bit off-putting and somewhat embarrassing, but at least it was warm.

"God, Ray, can't lie like this all night," Bodie protested.

"Yeah, okay, I know that, but let's just rest like this for a minute or two," Doyle pleaded, "I'm knackered."

They lay stiffly against each other, trying to get their breath back, breathing hotly onto each other's faces.

"You tried the door?" Doyle asked after a moment.

"Yeah. No chance," Bodie informed him. "Solid as a bloody rock. Outside lock too..."

"So...someone's gotta open the door from the outside?"


"That should be fun," Doyle muttered. "God, I'm gonna get cramp like this, you know...usually get it in my toes...gonna be bloody agony..."

"Look, Doyle, just stop complainin' and lie still, will you, for Christ's sake," Bodie said scathingly, "stop wrigglin' round so much. Keep banging me against these bloody shelves."

Offended, Doyle didn't reply, but did as he was told and lay rigidly still. The heat from the hard, well-padded body resting so tightly against his own was very pleasant, but also somewhat disturbing. They were slotted together as two neighbouring jigsaw pieces, every part of them resting against the correct, corresponding part of the other's anatomy from nose to knee, and it was becoming more than a little worrying. Doyle tried to shift upwards a little so that at least those parts of their anatomy wouldn't be resting quite so precisely and snugly together, but there wasn't enough room - the cupboard just wasn't long enough. There was no alternative but to suffer it and suffering was exactly what Doyle was doing. After a few moments of heavy breathing silence, Bodie's voice suddenly said, "Hey, you randy little sod. You gettin' turned on by this or somethin'?"

Doyle was glad the darkness hid his flush of embarrassment. "Well, what the hell d'you expect, with you pressed right up against me like a sardine?" he exploded, going on the offensive. "Not inhuman, you know. I do have normal sexual urges..."

Bodie chuckled softly. "Christ, that's all we need. Bloody hilarious..."

"To you maybe mate, but not to me," Doyle said furiously, trying to wriggle back and away from Bodie and remove his growing erection from the close proximity of Bodie's own hot genitals...with no success whatsoever. There was simply nowhere to move to. At least Bodie had stopped chuckling.

"Yeah, well, look, don't worry about it, sunshine," he suddenly said a lot more softly. "Not the end of the world. No need to get embarrassed."

"Oh no?" Doyle warned. "Not even when I tell you things could get a lot worse before they get better?"

There was another lengthy silence.

"What? You mean it's gettin' so bad you need to do somethin' about it?" Bodie ventured even more softly.

"Christ, I dunno, do I?" Doyle hissed. "Maybe. If I do I'll stand up again. Why? You tryin' to tell me you won't mind if I suddenly find I have to jerk off in front of you or somethin'?"

"Nah, I wouldn't mind," Bodie said, calmly enough. "And anyway, there's other ways round the problem, aren't there?"

"Oh, yeah, like what?" Doyle answered huffily and with unbelievable naivete.

There was yet another lengthy silence, during which Doyle was very much aware that Bodie's breathing had suddenly quickened.

"Gettin' pretty turned on myself if you want to know the truth," Bodie said at last. "I'm not inhuman either, you know..."

Another even longer silence followed that pronouncement.

"You're jokin'," said Doyle eventually.

"No, I'm not. Do I feel like I'm jokin'?" Bodie asked huskily, pressing against him.

No, thought Doyle, Bodie definitely wasn't joking... Midway between panic and a strange feeling of excited exhilaration, he pressed back, rubbing against the hardened ridge of flesh, heard Bodie draw in a shaky, deep breath.

"Bodie, this is ridiculous," he said, outraged.

"I know it is," Bodie agreed, in a soft whisper, "but what're we gonna do about it?"

"Maybe it'll go away," Doyle gasped.

"No chance," Bodie said with great conviction. "Not for me, anyway. I recognise the signs. Think I'm gonna have to see this through to the bitter end now, sunshine."

"Have you ever fancied this before?" Doyle asked incredulously.

Bodie avoided answering that question. "Why? Have you?"

"Dunno," Doyle said truthfully. "I'm fond of you...have been for a while...very fond of you, in fact..." panting as if he'd just run a ten mile hike.

"That's good," Bodie sighed. "Me, too... So it wouldn't be the end of the world if this happened between us? I mean, bein' fond of each other like you say...you reckon we'd cope with it alright afterwards?"

"Oh, yeah, I reckon..." Doyle said, managing to get a thigh over Bodie's so he could rub against him more easily. "Dunno what the hell I'm doin' here, you know. Is this gonna work? Is it enough?"

"Feels as if it is," Bodie gasped. "Oh God, Ray..."

"Yeah, I know," Doyle sighed. "God, but it feels good..."

"Can you get my pants open?" Bodie pleaded desperately.

"No way...not enough room," Doyle moaned, "and I can't stop now...gotta carry on...gonna have to be like this or not at all, sunshine..."

"S'fine...s'fine like this..." Bodie reassured him, working his hips. "Oh, yeah, I was right," burying his hands in Doyle's hair, stroking them through it. "Right through to the bitter end, Ray... Oh, you feel so wonderful..." covering Doyle's mouth in a harsh, deep kiss, as their hips worked frantically and they convulsed together in a shuddering relief...

"We should be locked in a cupboard more often," Bodie whispered, brushing his lips through Doyle's hair, loving the feel of the relaxed heavy body against his. "...fantastic. You okay?"

"Wonderful..." Doyle said weakly, reaching up to kiss him, his still-trembling arms circling Bodie's back, hugging him closer. "Don't think I'd mind if they never got us out of here. What d'you think, eh? How about spendin' the rest of our lives locked up in 'ere, makin' love in the dark on the lino, surrounded by tin cans rollin' around on the floor..." with a fruity chuckle.

"Yeah," Bodie laughed too, trying to stretch his cramped limbs a little, "but I quite fancy tryin' it in a big comfy bed, too. How'd you feel about that?"

"Mmmm, even better..." Doyle sighed, "you realise this could turn out to be the best thing that's ever happened to us?"

"Already is..."

"Yeah, I know, but...for the future, too?" Doyle suggested tentatively.

"Yeah, for the future, too, sunshine," Bodie said, tightening his hold on him. "Ugh...I'm all sticky..." wriggling uncomfortably.

"Feels good, though," Doyle sighed. He yawned loudly. "Feel so happy I reckon I could fall asleep now even in this position," with another yawn, "nice and warm..."

"You do that then," Bodie said softly, kissing the top of his head. "I won't move...not disturb you..."

"Love you, you know..." Doyle said drowsily, on the edge of sleep.

"Love you, too...so much..." Bodie whispered back, making a commitment to Doyle with the words that he'd never even considered with any of the women he'd known, amazed at how easy it was to make that commitment - with Ray...

Unlike Doyle, he didn't feel sleepy...was too excited and too filled with wonder and happiness at what had happened between them to even think of sleeping, so he lay with his eyes wide open, staring up at the sloping ceiling, savouring the feel of holding Doyle in his arms, not caring if the morning never came...

As it turned out there were more than a few curious looks in their direction for quite a while afterwards, when word got round that they'd been found locked up in a tiny pantry, fast asleep in each other's arms, by Murphy and Simpson, who'd been working on the same case with them, but it didn't worry Bodie and Doyle overmuch. They rode all the jibes and suggestive comments that came their way with effortless ease...because by that time they were too much in love to care...

-- THE END --

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