Doyle the Vampire Kitten


Doyle the vampire kitten
Was dearly loved by B,
But there was no denying that
He caused the girls to flee.

The last one wrote to Bodie:
"Each time I left your bed
"My neck was full of nasty holes.
"PS: your cat's undead."

The kitten mewed: "I love you,
"I want you for myself!"
And (not exactly what he'd planned)
Transformed into an elf.

"I had my limitations,
"But I enjoyed," said D,
"Sucking blood and chasing tail -
"No fun there for a Sidhe."

"You look quite male to me, mate --
"Your tail now," B observes,
"No longer caudal vertebrae
"But tight and tempting curves."

"What about my dinner?"
Doyle answers plaintively.
"My teeth have gone all blunt and dull,
"Fangs for the memory."

"Don't know what you elves eat
"When you are in the wild,
"But chips and beans and good swiss roll
"Upon your plate I've piled.

"And if you really need it
"Here's something you can suck:
"I'll demonstrate just how it's done,
"Then show you how to -- "

"But wait, I hear the summons,"
Cries Doyle, "The Elf Queen leads
"The wild hunt now; my elfin self
"Must pander to her needs."

But Bodie took his handcuffs
And bound him fast with steel,
And held him close the whole night long
Possession for to seal.

And in the light of morning
Doyle human form had gained --
It makes no sense, but last I heard,
Well, neither has complained.

(Can be sung to the tune of Puff the Magic Dragon, which probably explains a lot.)

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