The Ballad of Bodie's Tattoo
by The Hag
Oh, when I joined with CI5,
Fair Betty said to me:
"Appointment with the tattoo man
"Today at half past three."
My lower right cheek was inscribed:
Belongs to CI5.
Return attention Cowley, George,
If found, dead or alive.
All offers are considered, yes,
From scientific men;
We'll even offer special terms
To really solvent fen.
Plus many lines of tiny print --
There must have been a score,
And by the time that they were through
My pride was very sore.
"You mean you fell for that old joke?"
Cried Doyle with raucous glee,
"Lie down and let me read your bum!"
What, gullible? Who, me?
So now my right cheek's a collage
Of kittens, roses too,
A dolphin, and a piglet (who's
A mate of some bear, Pooh).
The left cheek states in simple script:
This man belongs to me.
No offers, thanks, and fen keep off --
On pain of death! -- Ray D.