The Professionals Circuit Archive - Music of the Heart       Music of
the Heart

 

by Elessar

  
 *This story first appeared in Awakenings 4 and is now being shared with
the kind permission of the publisher.*

******

*In the music of the heart,
 Nothing is as it seems.*

*PRELUDE*

"All right, gentlemen, it's time to discuss our problem candidates."
George Cowley sat back and waited for one of the other three men in the
room to comment. He didn't want to prejudice their remarks with his
opinions.

Jack Crane decided to wade in. "Well, George, we started out with a couple
of dozen top notch recruits in this intake, and we've cut nine, with half
the training to go. Don't you think we've eliminated enough for now?"

"This is a special group; we've more power in our brief than has ever been
bestowed before. We don't dare risk letting someone through that isn't up
to the demands. One bad op, one major slip in the next couple of years,
and CI5 will be dead in the water before it ever really begins. You've
worked with them for the last eight weeks; who are the problems, and
should we remove them now before we waste any more resources on them?" 

MacMurtry, the psychologist Cowley had insisted on bringing in, spoke.
"Right now, based on field reports and my testing, I'd say you've got four
problems: Baker, Bodie, Doyle and Perkins.

"Baker and Bodie are loners and their psyche profiles indicate that they
aren't likely to be successfully partnered. Baker doesn't like people and
he doesn't trust -- anybody. He wants in CI5 solely because he likes the
adrenaline rush of danger and thinks that this is the best legal way to
get it."

"I don't want men high on danger for danger's sake. Much too likely to up
the ante instead of backing off when the situation merits restraint. CI5
won't survive the first year with men like that. He's out." The Controller
of CI5 was decisive; he'd brook no arguments, but looked around the group
to see if anyone disagreed. No one did.

Cowley moved swiftly on to the next man on MacMurtry's list. "What about
Bodie?" 

"Well, he likes the adrenaline, but in the job you're training 'em for
you're not likely to find men who don't, at least not that can do the job
without freezing up. His SAS records show that he's not likely to
intensify when the situation would be better served by backing off. He's
still a loner though. Coming from the SAS, they work in four man teams, so
he knows how to work with others; but he doesn't let anyone close, nor is
he good at the give and take involved in a partnership. He can go in, do
his job, and get out, but that's it; no involvement. He might do all right
with solo ops, but I don't think he'd handle a partnership well. It risks
getting involved, and that's something he avoids at all costs. With his
childhood and experiences in Africa it's hardly surprising." 

"Hmm ... I suppose I can use him there." Cowley didn't sound too pleased
with the idea. "Still, this early on, I'd prefer men who work well in
teams. What's he look like in training, Jack?" 

"Very good, Major. Better than anyone else at just about everything in the
military realm. Weapons, tactical, explosives, all the physical stuff as
well. SAS training is top notch there. He's weak in police procedure and
dealing with people. Been too long in structured environments where
everyone follows orders. First in the merchant navy, then as a merc, and
from there into the army -- paras, SAS -- he doesn't know how to work
around people to get them to cooperate. Just tries to bluster his way
through using intimidation." Jack paused at this point and Cowley was
quick to realize that there was an observation he was reluctant to make.

"Out with it," Cowley pushed.

"Well, Bodie's good. Damn good and he knows it. He's arrogant and cocky
and menacing; most of the other trainees are afraid of him -- think he's a
bit of a nutter -- sometimes they aren't far off. I'm concerned that he's
too distanced from the group, and that he won't be able to work closely
with those he considers inferior."

"MacMurtry?" Cowley questioned.

"Given his history it's a valid concern. He doesn't talk about his
childhood. He states the basic facts, and when asked how he feels about
his father's drinking or his mother's death, gives a standard textbook
reply. If I were a betting man, I'd say he's done some reading on the
subject so he knows what we want to hear. He's smart, George, a lot
smarter than he lets on, and he's been through a lot. I get the feeling
that he's playing with my tests. Giving me just enough of the picture to
satisfy but not really letting me get in to what's really inside. Hell, he
might not even know, it's been walled off for so long. Given his
childhood, it's amazing he's progressed as far as he has, and that he's as
balanced as he is. But I don't know how close to a knife edge that he's
walking ... in truth I don't think he knows, the psychologist concluded.
"You want my opinion. I'd keep him for now. He needs grounding, but with
the qualities and skills he's shown I think he's worth the risk." Cowley
nodded and turned to Jack Crane. "He's too damn good to lose. Keep him,
but keep a watchful eye on him."

"Doctor?" The new Controller of CI5 questioned the physician, who had been
silent until now.

"Physically he's A1. Keep him."

"Very well, gentlemen. It seems that Bodie has a temporary reprieve. Who
is next?" "Doyle," MacMurtry informed him and went on to present Doyle's
profile, "Mentally -- he's a tough call. There's a lot of pain, guilt, and
anger there. Also, he's got a quick temper that could cause you trouble in
the future."

 "So, you're suggesting dropping him?" Cowley asked for clarification. 

"No. I wouldn't go that far. He's working very hard to control the temper
and seems to be managing quite well -- most of the time. The anger has a
basis in the way he was treated his last few months in the Met before
beginning training with us. I'd say his anger is justified, and as long as
he doesn't view CI5 as betraying him, you shouldn't have a problem keeping
him in line. There's always a risk that the anger he feels could turn to
bitterness; he could decide to sell out, but I don't think so. Give him a
cause he believes in, treat him with respect and the events and perceived
betrayals of the last year will probably fade into the background, you'll
have yourself a top notch agent."

Jack picked up the thread, "He's damn good in police procedure and can get
just about any witness to talk. He reads people very well and presents
himself in the best manner to get them to relax and open up. I think he'd
make an excellent undercover operative. As for the rest, well, of course
his training in demolitions, weapons, all that, isn't on par with those
coming from a military background, but he's a quick study, damn good with
a rifle, and better than anyone, including Bodie, with a hand gun."

Here the trainer chuckled as he explained. "Bodie's not happy being bested
by Doyle -- not at all. A simple copper out shooting him got up his nose
no end first time it happened. Made him work all the harder; he'd been
slacking back since he was so much better than most of the rest. Then
Doyle outshoots him -- cold ...." Jack chuckled again before finishing his
story, "After that Bodie attacked everything with a vengeance. Still
hasn't been able to best Doyle with a handgun however.

"Doyle's also been involved in martial arts for several years and does
very well in hand-to-hand. He's not the killing machine that the SAS men
are, but he can hold his own against them in a fight, and he's not easily
cowed." The training instructor smiled before concluding, "Actually, if
you're keeping Bodie, you're going to have to keep Doyle as well. He's the
only one left not intimidated by him and who is willing to take him on in
hand-to-hand. You get rid of Doyle, and I'll have to spend my time
sparring with Bodie. All the others are too intimidated to give him a run
for his money."

Cowley turned to look at the doctor. His reply was the same for Doyle as
for Bodie, "Reaction times are excellent, physical health A1. No medical
reason not to keep him."

"All right," Cowley summarized their decision, "Doyle stays for the time
being as well. And, as he's the only one who seems willing to stand up to
Bodie, they can go through the partnership exercises together. Next ...."

And the discussion continued ....

******

William Bodie barreled through the training center offices, heading
towards the outside. Behind him trailed a curly haired man who shrugged in
apology at their fellow trainees as they hurriedly got out of his
'partner's' way. *The way everyone swiftly moves when they see Bodie
coming,* Ray thought, *the man could give lessons to a Centurian tank.
Partner! Bloody hell, just what I need! What did I ever do for God to have
such a down on me? * Trying to be as honest with himself as possible, he
really couldn't think of a thing. *I've tried to be good. Honest! Yeah,
well, there was that time ..., but still it really wasn't bad enough to
deserve William Bodie as my just desserts .... Was it? ... No! * he
decided. *It definitely wasn't. *

Doyle reached out to stop another trainee from falling, when he stumbled
trying to clear out of the way of that nutter -- the nutter who was now
his partner! *Only eight weeks, surely I can make it to the end alive?
It's only training after all. * He just wished he felt more secure about
his longevity over the next few weeks, more exposure to William -- just
call me Bodie -- was not what he needed right now. He sighed as he headed
outside. They'd have to talk, to come to some sort of understanding.
*Arrogant, tight arsed, prick! * As he followed the man towards the now
empty barracks to have it out, he played a game of thinking up other
unflattering adjectives to describe this new 'cherished' gift from the
powers that be. *Bet they'd have put coal in Mother Theresa Christmas
stocking, as well. Some Christmas present! If it's all the same I'd prefer
the lump of coal. *

Bodie was furious. He didn't want or need a fucking partner. Especially
some anal-retentive copper whose only point in his favor was that he could
shoot. *All right. Maybe he was decent at hand-to-hand as well, but how
would he be in a real fight, under real fire? Probably piss his pants --
that's what! *

*The SAS was bad enough but at least you had a team ... didn't have to get
soding close to them. Just work with them. And they were well trained --
not a copper with a mere two months of real training. FUCK! * Bodie had
disliked coppers from childhood. As far as he was concerned, they were
either bent or power mad -- he definitely wasn't about to trust one as his
sodding partner. He thought back to the lecture they'd received from the
old man that morning just before partner assignments had been handed out.
Cowley had said a partnership was just like a marriage, that in point of
fact it was often closer than most marriages. *Well, I'm not marrying
Doyle! * He slammed into the barracks on that thought and was surprised
when he tried to bang the door shut behind him to find that the copper had
followed him from the meeting. 

His anger at its peak, he attacked Doyle, "Fuck off, copper. I'm not going
to be your bleeding partner."

Doyle glared at him, then the next thing Bodie knew he was looking up at
the brown haired man and his jaw ached like hell. Seeing that the copper
had backed off and wasn't going to pursue the attack, Bodie decided not to
move. Yet. Doyle nodded at him before speaking.

"Good, now that I've got your attention, we're going to get a few things
straight. I know you don't want me as a partner -- actually, you've made
it pretty obvious that you're so superior to the rest of us poor sods that
no one meets your high and exacting standards -- well tough shit. You're
stuck with me for the next eight weeks so learn to live with it, Mister
Sweet Tempered Bloody Sunshine." 

He said, sarcasm dripping from his voice, "You're not on the top of my
list as partner material either. In fact, you'd run a distant second to
Jack the Ripper. He at least had a sense of humor. But I want this job. I
want to work in CI5, and if I have to make do with the devil himself to
get in, then I bloody well will." His tone made it quite clear that he
thought the devil would be an improvement over the man on the floor in
front of him.

"So, Perfect Soldier Boy, do the fucking job and don't get in my way. I'll
pin your balls up on the notice board if I don't pass the training course
because of you. After that, you can bugger off for all I care, and we'll
be done with each other." 

Ray Doyle spun on his heels and headed for the door, but was stopped
halfway through opening it by the sound of laughter coming from the floor.
He turned to see Bodie doubled up on himself, overcome with amusement.
Doyle felt like beating the crap out of him and before he could think,
moved to do just that. The dark haired man sat up, sobered up a bit, and
held up his hands, palms out, in surrender. 

He said, trying to contain his laughter, "God, but you're a sharky little
sod when you're riled." He laughed again and, as Doyle shifted, possibly
to have another go at him, he rubbed his sore jaw and continued on a more
serious note, "Give it a rest, Doyle. I'm not going to sit still and let
you have another go at me. One free shot is all you get, and we'll both be
kicked out if we start a brawl here in the barracks." The copper just
glared at him as he went on, "Okay. You win. I'll cooperate and we'll work
together to pass the rest of the training. After that we're on our own,
and you'll back me up when I request to go solo. Deal?"

Staring hard at the SAS man, Doyle finally nodded and reached down his
hand to help him up. "Deal. For the next eight weeks we're partners; after
that you're on your own."

******

He'd passed!! Raymond Doyle was ecstatic. CI5! The best of the best. He
wished his dad was still alive to be proud of him. First he'd tell Bodie
-- Bodie's bound to have made it, he was at the top of the class -- then
he'd call his mum .... An unpleasant thought intruded to take some of the
shine off the day. 

Bodie. He'd promised him back at the beginning of the partner training
that he'd support his petition to go solo. He wouldn't go back on his
word, but it was going to be damn hard to make do with anyone else when
he'd had the best. Smiling, he remembered slugging Bodie to get his
attention that first day as partners. *Never try that now, have my head on
a platter, he would. * Now that Doyle thought about it, he was surprised
that he'd got away with it the first time. But that punch had won him the
ex-SAS man's respect, and they'd worked well together. It was a damn shame
that Bodie didn't want to be partnered `cause, after the initial
adjustments, he'd made a damn good one.

*Well, it's not the end of the world, and I imagine I'll get to work with
him on and off anyway. `Sides, working that close with him just might not
be a good idea. * Doyle headed out to find his ex-partner and then a
phone.

******

He'd made it -- was there ever any doubt? Bodie paused to realize that
there might have been. A couple of the other trainees with a military
background had washed out because they couldn't adjust to dealing with
people who didn't have to take orders. Arms, combat maneuvers, and
physically, they were fine, but trying to take a statement, getting a
witness to talk, following police procedure so that some criminal wouldn't
be let off on a technicality, they hadn't been able to preform at the
level George Cowley demanded. Bodie knew the only reason he'd been able to
was that Doyle had taken a lot of extra time helping him with those areas.
Bodie still wasn't anywhere near as good as the curly haired golly, but
he'd passed because of him.

What was most surprising to the new 3.7 wasn't that he'd needed help to
pass but that he'd been able to take the help without resentment or
feeling threatened. He couldn't ever remember not feeling threatened by
needing that much help, nor not being hostile to someone who'd tried to
help him as Ray had -- much less letting them actually help -- Bodie
didn't like having to depend on anyone. But for some reason it'd been
different with Doyle. Maybe the fact Doyle had been willing to admit to
his own weak areas and accept help from him as well. Bodie didn't know,
and wasn't in the mood for self examination, but he owed the man one and
was going to let him know it.

Finding Doyle on the phone, he stood by and listened as Four-five received
congratulations from his mother. He had to fight not to snicker. Ray's
mother was obviously cuffed and was being rather effusive about it if his
partner's reaction was anything to go by. The man's look as he talked on
the phone was one of embarrassed humility. *At the rate he's going, he's
going to scuff his shoe across the ground at any minute. Only a mother
could do that, * Bodie smirked to himself. 

Seeing Bodie standing nearby, Doyle managed to cut the call short with a
promise to call later on that weekend. 

Bodie spoke first. "So I take it you passed?"

"Yeah. You too? As if there was ever any doubt."

"Was a lot of doubt and you know it. I owe you one, Doyle, and I pay my
debts. So what do you want?" Bodie hated to be beholden to anyone.

Doyle's mouth spoke before his brain could engage, "Stay my partner." He
clamped his lips shut, refusing to beg, and, not wanting Bodie to think he
was breaking their bargain he changed directions, concluding, "I'll go
with you to Mr. Cowley's office and request a new pairing. Should make it
easier for you that way."

*Stay with me. * The words seemed locked in Bodie's brain, echoing over
and over, and he knew there was only one answer. He didn't want to analyze
why, refused to look at his motives or reasons, didn't let himself think
before speaking. 

"All right, Sunshine, we're even. You've got yourself a partner." The
smile which met his statement brought back old memories and desires.
*Doyle should smile more often. Does wonders for his looks. * 

Without thinking, he put his arm across his new partner's shoulder and
steered him towards his car. "You don't have any wheels down here so I'll
give you a lift back to town. Got all your stuff in that bag?" He nodded
at the duffle bag Ray had bent to pick up. 

"Yeah, all set to go; was waiting on the bus to take me back. Car would be
a treat."

"Fine. What say when we get back we get cleaned up and go for a pint? Know
this pub, it's near this office that's mostly all women, very nice hunting
on a Friday night." He rubbed the palms of his hands together and raised
his eyebrows in an unmistakable leer to indicate the type of hunting he
was referring to.

"Sounds just the thing, partner," Doyle agreed.

******

George Cowley watched in bemusement and irritation as Bodie and Doyle
exited his office Monday morning after having received their first
assignment. It was a very simple, low priority surveillance of a minor
Bulgarian official -- that may or may not be involved in espionage. And
they hadn't protested at all. Bodie'd looked pained, of course, but not a
word came out, and Doyle just nodded in a very professional manner and
took the file containing the details. Their lack of protest was a bit
surprising. Psyche profiles for both agents indicated they'd want to jump
in at the deep end, so calm acceptance of such a low priority assignment
was out of the norm. 

But the aspect which threw him the most -- and got up his nose -- was that
neither man had requested re-teaming. The Controller had already lined up
a new partner for Doyle and a solo op for Bodie at the end of the week.
Nothing very risky, he wanted to give his agents time to get used to how
CI5 was going to operate before putting them on high risk jobs. But
instead of the demand for splitting the team he'd expected -- especially
from Bodie -- they took the case quietly and functioned as if they planned
to remain paired. 

*Here I am willing to be flexible and* they *decide they don't want
reteaming. * He felt indignant at the fact, like he'd been cheated of the
chance to show he wasn't the autocrat he'd been accused of being. Cowley
quickly shifted mental gears and chose different operatives for his other
assignments, deciding to let Bodie and Doyle stay together for a bit
longer. They just might make an efficient team after all.

******

*OVERTURE*

The woman on the tape finished speaking, her voice fading out to be
replaced by Doyle's voice. Bodie heard just two words, "Sorry, Bodie."
Then nothing more. Ray had never doubted him, nor Cowley either. They'd
covered his back and saved his arse on faith alone. The whole situation
still stank, hurt like hell, but their belief in him made it bearable.

Bodie shut off the tape, got up, returned it to the pile on Cowley's desk,
and headed out of CI5 headquarters. It had been a little over twelve hours
since he'd had to watch his old lover gunned down in a plot to place an
MI6 mole deep in East German Security. He'd waited `til he was sure
everyone would be gone to come in, read the reports, and hear the tapes.
Bodie didn't want to face anyone yet; he needed to get a handle on his
emotions first. If not for his own skills, and Doyle and Cowley's support
and maneuvering, it would have been him dead or in jail. 

He checked his watch and realized that the pubs were closed, it was after
two, so he drove around aimlessly for an hour. That was all he seemed to
have been doing since it happened. Tomorrow -- no, today -- he'd have to
go in and give his report. Admit to everyone he'd been an easy mark when
Marikka had shown up. The irony of it was he wasn't even sure he really
loved her, at least not anymore; he'd just wanted to recapture a time when
he felt connected to someone, loved by someone. He needed to care and be
cared about.

Cowley's use of him and Doyle as Judas goats for a fake Arab politician
had affected him more than he realized at the time. His partner could have
been killed, and he was still furious about the incident. Marikka had been
a chance to escape back to a simpler time. Some escape. She was dead and
he felt more alone than ever. 

Pulling the car over and stopping, he realized he was outside Doyle's
flat. Three-bloody-fifteen in the morning was not a time for social calls.
As he put the car in gear to pull out, he noticed there was a light on.
Maybe he should have left well enough alone, but at the sight of that
light he found himself at Doyle's door and ringing the buzzer before he
was even aware of getting out of the car. A curtain twitched back into
place and the door was swiftly opened. 

Doyle didn't seem in the least surprised to see him, and it was obvious
from his attire and alert look that he hadn't yet been to bed. *Must have
been waiting up for me. Gee thanks, Mum, * he thought to himself but held
his tongue; he'd left his partner standing over twelve hours ago and Bodie
was well aware that prolonged worry would not have improved Ray's mood.
His partner was still a sharky little sod at the best of times.

*God, I feel so tired, * Bodie thought. *Can't remember when I last slept.
*

He opened his mouth to say something but snapped it closed because he
found nothing to say. Ray pulled him inside and pushed him down into an
old armchair which had seen better days. Bodie looked around the room.
*Looks like Ray's finished unpacking; this place is one of the dumpiest
he's had yet. * Bodie hoped for Ray's sake he wouldn't be stuck here long.


Doyle didn't seem in the mood to talk either; instead, he set about making
tea and a sandwich for Bodie. He ate in silence. When he'd finished, Doyle
pulled him to his feet, took him to the door to the bog, handed him a pair
of pajamas, and left him to get ready for bed. Bodie came out to find his
partner waiting for him. Ray steered him to the far side of the bed,
climbed in beside him and turned out the light. Both men were quickly
asleep. Bodie's last thought as he drifted off to sleep was that he'd
finally come home.

******

The next eighteen months saw Bodie more content with his lot than he had
been before. It hadn't come as a startling revelation but as a growing
gentle awareness that he was happiest with his partner. They did their
usual round of dating, but the times he enjoyed most were those he spent
with Ray. 

The only cloud on his existence was the fact he felt he cared for Raymond
Jeremy Doyle more than his partner cared for him. Bodie knew that he
appeared detached. He had rarely let anyone close since his days as a merc
in Africa, but he had realized early in their partnership that Doyle, who
on the surface seemed more accessible, was just as bad if not worse for
letting anyone get close to where it really mattered. 

He doubted Ray was aware of the distance he maintained from everyone, but
part of him seemed desperate to tear down the walls he had constructed
around himself. It revealed itself in his over-riding need to commit to
some woman. It'd certainly gotten worse of late, and Bodie could see the
cycle. Doyle would seem to fall, get serious for a bit, and then the bird
would give him the shove. Curious after what seemed the dozenth time it
had happened, he arranged to date a couple of his partner's old girl
friends. The answer was always the same -- the job got in the way. But
Bodie being Bodie dug deeper and realized, although his partner gave that
impression, the real reason had something to do with both women not
feeling Ray would let them close to him. They'd subconsciously felt that
he held them at a distance and that the relationship was going nowhere:
thus they were unwilling to tolerate the broken dates and odd hours. Bodie
had sighed to himself upon reaching this conclusion. He knew just how they
felt. Unfortunately he was too deeply involved with the golly to willingly
get out. 

He loved the cold sod, and if being with him meant he was always standing
on the outside looking in, well, being with Ray was worth it, and,
besides, it allowed him to maintain some distance from the person he knew
could hurt him most. So they did their jobs, hunted birds together, and
Bodie was content.

At least until King Billy ... and then Ann Holly came along.

******

Bodie knew Doyle was mad at him. There wasn't a doubt in his mind his
partner was going to rip into him when they finally were alone in Bodie's
flat. It had been only hours ago Cowley and Doyle had stopped him from
killing the sodding bastard. *Yeah right! As if I could, * he thought to
himself.

Medical leave, for the next week at least, with probably months of talking
to a trick cyclist. Bodie wasn't in the mood, but he'd never get away with
not letting the head shrinks at him ... not without telling the truth and
he wasn't about to do that. The truth was more than likely to get him
fired, and he was chagrined to find that that really did matter to him
after all. Being fired would mean losing Doyle, and he was quickly coming
to the conclusion if that happened he really would have a death wish.

Doyle pulled up outside his flat and parked. *There goes the hope he's so
mad at me he'd drop me off and head home in a snit, * Bodie sighed to
himself. *Just one more lie to tell. *

Once inside the flat, Bodie decided on embarrassed penitence.

"I'm sorry, Doyle. I just lost it."

"Don't! Don't even think about lying to me, you sodding bastard, or I'll
finish what those bikers couldn't do." Doyle absentmindedly rubbed his
gut, the memory of Bodie's hitting him still obviously fresh in his mind.
He was not happy with his partner; not one little bit.

"I'm not lying. I just lost perspective ...." 

Ray shoved him hard against the door. "You can fool Ross. This time you
even fooled Cowley into thinking you'd cracked up, but don't try that
bullshit on me. I know you, Bodie, a lot better than you think, and I know
you planned this from the very beginning. Each and every step of the way.
I'm the man that's out there with you every day, and I know what you're
capable of." His partner emphasized every word with a poke to Bodie's
chest. "You want everyone to think that you're just dumb muscle, but you
can be one of the best damn tacticians when you want -- So don't give me
any more crap!" Ray gave him another, harder, poke and then pushed off and
started prowling around the room. He reminded Bodie of a big cat on the
look out for dinner, and he had a feeling he was going to be Doyle's meal
tonight.

"All right, so I planned to get Billy. Probably even kill him. I know you
don't understand the need to avenge a mate, but, damn it, Ray, Williams
didn't deserve to die like -- "

"You shut me out," Doyle shouted at his partner. "You should have let me
help you, let me know what was going on in that stubborn head of yours."

"Why? So you could stop me?"

"No, God damn it, so I could help you."

"You wouldn't -- "

"Damn it to hell, Bodie, don't you know by now I'd kill for you." Ray's
voice was soft and harsh and all the more fearful for that. The words rang
of truth. "Haven't you figured it out yet? If you'd have told me your plan
-- you're right, I'd have stopped you -- not because of the plan to kill
Billy but because I know you'd never be able to go though with it. You
almost got yourself and the girl killed because you can't kill in cold
blood like." Doyle paused a minute to get a handle on the fear which
almost overwhelmed him. It'd been too damn close! "To save my life or an
innocent person -- yeah. But to set up a murder so it'll look like you
lost your rag, got yourself into trouble and had to kill defending
yourself. No way.

"You'd always know it was a lie." Doyle walked back to Bodie and grasped
his shoulders. "I know you think you're a hard man, but you aren't a
murderer." Ray shook him. "You'd have had to be damn near dead before
you'd let your instincts take over and really take those men out. By that
time it might have been too late, and you would have ended up dead.

"You're just lucky the Cow found out. Me, I couldn't figure out what was
going on; I knew you were up to something, but I was stupid and naive
enough to think if it was really serious you'd confide in me. I thought
our partnership *meant* something. That when things got really bad we
could ask each other for help. That we *would* ask!" Ray moved away from
Bodie and paced some more. He was hurt. The closeness he'd thought he had
with Bodie was apparently one-sided. He could and had relied on Bodie,
turned to him when he needed help, but Bodie was still on his own,
refusing to turn to him when he needed someone. Needing to adjust to this
new revelation, he turned to say good-bye to his partner, but Bodie had
moved and was staring out the window, lost in thought. *Maybe we can talk
tomorrow? * Ray thought as he headed out the door. The pain was too sharp
and fresh to face tonight. 

Bodie, who was trying to adjust to the reality that Doyle cared more than
he'd ever realized, cringed as he heard the door softly close. He spoke to
the closed door. "I do care, sunshine. I just didn't want to drag you down
with me if something went wrong." Gazing out the window, he watched Ray
climb into his car and drive away. *He knows me better than I know myself.
* He was not comforted by the thought; too much baggage went with it.

Turning, he headed for bed, depressed at the realization that the caring
he'd wanted from Ray had been there all along. He'd just been too locked
in to the belief Doyle didn't feel the same way and had therefore missed
all the signs of just how deeply his partner felt. Giving their
relationship a few weeks to get over the King Billy incident and settle
back into a more normal pattern seemed like a good idea to Bodie right
now. They could talk about things in a few weeks ....

Bodie went to bed.

******

He couldn't stand still, and he couldn't concentrate. Bodie wanted to know
what was going on between Ann and Ray. He glared at Cowley's back. The old
man had said not to interfere between Four-five and his girl. Let them
work it out. Well, he damn well didn't want them to bloody work it out. He
wanted Ray for himself, and he'd been a fool to let things come between
them like he had the past month.

The King Billy incident had been bad enough, but then Bodie'd been taken
prisoner by a group of terrorists and had a bomb strapped to his chest.
When CI5 had sprung their trap Bodie'd run away from Doyle to keep his
partner from getting blown up along with him. He couldn't bare the thought
of Ray dying. Unfortunately it had driven them even further apart. He
still could hear his partner's words just before he'd stormed off. "Didn't
it ever occur to you that I'd rather go out trying to save you than be
left on my own having watched you being blown to bits?" He'd tried to stop
Ray, but his partner had shoved him away and stormed off, and, before
Bodie could move to follow, Cowley had called him, Doyle was gone when
he'd finally got free. 

First mistake had been lying to Ray about Billy, second was deciding to
back off to let them get their perspective back, third was to run from
Doyle instead of turning to him for help -- yet again -- and the final one
had been to back off again to give things time to settle. He hated to
fight with his partner so he tended to want things to calm down. Trouble
was Ray took it as rejection, and in his loneliness reached out to the
first reasonable option he could find. 

It all added up to the Holly bitch. He knew that wasn't fair. She was an
attractive woman and might have done well with Ray if he hadn't already
belonged to Bodie. But belong to him he did since the day Doyle had
knocked him flat on his arse and made Bodie realize there was more to the
copper than he'd bothered to notice. Like grit and determination and ....
beautiful green eyes which looked too deep into his soul. Bodie shook
himself; that kind of distraction he did not need right now. But Ray was
his, and one way or another he was going to make sure Ann Holly was cut
out of Doyle's life ASAP. 

Looking out the window again, he watched her drive away. He didn't give a
damn what Cowley said, he was going to Ray now. She'd missed her chance,
and when she changed her mind later, she was going to find out it was too
damn late.

Joining Ray, he tried to touch him and give some comfort. Ray shrugged him
off, and, even though his gut told him it was a mistake, he started to
walk away yet again to give Doyle the space he seemed to need. He'd not
got very far when he heard his partner call his name. Stopping, he waited
for Ray to catch up with him and was surprised to find an arm around his
shoulders giving him a hug. 

"Think it's about time we talked. Don't you, sunshine?" Ray asked.

Bodie leaned into the hug and nodded. Ray'd forgiven him, and this time he
was not going to blow it. His throat was suddenly so dry that words
wouldn't come.

"My place or yours?" Doyle finally queried when it became obvious that
Bodie wasn't going to say anything.

"Mine," was the one word reply. Bodie did not want to be reminded of Ann
Holly while they had this talk, and he sure didn't want Ray reminded of
her.

They didn't talk much on the drive over. A few inconsequential subjects,
sports, traffic and the like; they studiously avoided any mention of the
case or Ann. 

Bodie took a shower while Ray prepared breakfast, and then, as Bodie
cleaned up the kitchen after they'd eaten, Ray showered. When his partner
came out of the bog, three-seven was surprised to see he'd put on an old
bathrobe rather than the spare pair of jeans he kept at the flat.

Ray smiled at Bodie's obvious confusion and motioned for him to sit down
on one end of the couch. Ray then sat in an arm chair next to him. This
way they were close and could easily look into the other's face, yet
weren't distracted by touching. Then he started talking.

"We haven't been communicating very well of late. Have we?" 

"Not very -- no. Both our faults, I suppose," Bodie reluctantly admitted.

"Truth time?" He waited for Bodie to nod his agreement before continuing.
"You didn't know 'til King Billy how I felt about you, did you?"

Bodie wasn't comfortable with discussing how he felt; how they felt. He
tried to avoid the subject, "We're best mates." He wouldn't meet Doyle's
eyes.

"It's more than that, Sunshine, and by now you damn well should know it."
Ray grabbed Bodie's knee and squeezed it.

"Yeah, Ann told me a whole lot," Bodie snapped at his partner, the hurt
still very fresh.

"She ought to have. `Twasn't me mentioned marriage."

Opening his mouth to protest, the dark haired man stopped when Doyle held
up his hand for Bodie to listen. "You mentioned it. I just didn't
disagree. Liked her, might even have loved her a bit, but I think she was
more an attempt to get under your skin." He paused and glanced up into
dark blue eyes. "Seems to have worked. Just wish I'd realized at the time
what I was doing. Wasn't fair to any of us." A little grin crossed his
face.

Glaring at Ray, Bodie was still inclined to argue. "And what was this for,
then?" he queried, rubbing his jaw, the memory of the pain inflicted both
mentally and physically still lingering.

"Was mad at you -- "

"No kidding -- " sarcasm dripped from his partner's voice.

"Not like that, you dumb crud. T'was mad you wouldn't admit how you felt.
Used Cowley to give you an excuse to snoop though -- didn't you?"

Bodie knotted his brow, considering Ray's accusation, his head tipped to
one side. "Maybe... Never gave it much thought. I wasn't the only one, he
glared accusingly at Doyle.

Their telepathy worked again -- Ray knew exactly what he was referring to.
"Marikka was the old man's idea -- "

"You could have told me -- "

"Well, if I hadn't been so damn worried about you, I would have done, but
your head was somewhere else -- wasn't sure I could get through, and you
could have mentioned her to me. Only reason you told me about Ann was to
get up my nose."

"I told you `cause you were getting up the Cow's nose."

"And to cause trouble." Doyle wasn't about to let him off the hook on this
one. 

A little boy grin crept across Bodie's face. "Was being nasty -- wasn't
I?" 

"You know how to get up my nose faster than anyone else. Must mean I care
more for you than anyone else." Ray grinned back. 

As a declaration of undying love it wasn't very coherent, certainly far
from explicit, but Bodie got the message. "Feeling's mutual, Ray." He took
a deep breath and debated his next statement. He was tired as hell, the
whole day had taken on a dream like quality, but he didn't want this
chance to get away. Didn't want them to have time for second thoughts and
backing away. "So you going to spend the rest of the day sitting over
there?" He raised his eyebrow at the end in invitation.

Ray didn't need a second offer. Before Bodie could say another word, he
found his partner had relocated himself to the couch beside him. After
that, it just seemed natural to take his green-eyed love into his arms,
and their lips met in a kiss.

It was gentle at first; Bodie kissed Ray's lips and pulled away before the
kiss could deepen. He then began to kiss the rest of Doyle's face:
forehead, eyelids, cheeks, then back to his lips. Bodie wanted to avoid
thinking -- thinking, he knew, would lead to fear and panic, and he didn't
want to blow what might be their only chance. Neither he nor Ray handled
caring very well. Too many betrayals, too much loneliness, for either to
be comfortable with real commitment. But committed they were, and if they
could just make it over this last hurdle, then they'd have something which
might last -- maybe even a lifetime. For the first time in a long time,
Bodie was willing to take the risk. He pulled back and looked hard into
his partner's eyes. The smile and contentment he saw there told him that
Ray was ready to take the same risk as well. 

Ray's hand came up to cup the side of Bodie's head, letting his thumb
tease the soft surface of his partner's lips. The dark haired man opened
his mouth slightly and sucked the thumb into the warm, moist haven. He
heard Doyle sigh. Bodie let his hands roam over his partner's body: down
his arms, over to his chest -- he felt a nipple harden under his probing
fingers -- down to his belly, and finally, to the erection swiftly
hardening between Ray's legs. Whatever trepidation his partner had, had
been overcome by the strength of their attraction and caring.

"God, Bodie, I love you." The words escaped from his lips before his brain
had time to analyze them. 

Bodie's body responded to those words with a steel hard erection; his
heart melted. His lips let go of the thumb, and he shoved Ray down on the
couch, covering his body with his own and capturing his partner's lips. He
nibbled first on Ray's lower lip and then allowed his tongue to explore
his delightful mouth. As his hands continued to explore the body of the
man beneath him, he sighed in frustration. There was not enough room on
the sofa to reach all the good bits. At least not without bumping into
everything or falling off. Their first time should be special, he decided,
not a quick grapple on the couch, and for that they needed more room.
"Bedroom, Sunshine?" Bodie questioned. Ray's only answer was a broad smile
as they stood up, he turned, and led the way to his partner's bedroom.

They entered and began to undress. Nervous, Doyle made idle conversation.
"So what happened to that fur thing you used to have on the bed?" 

When Bodie didn't answer right away Ray turned to look at him; he was
surprised to see the bigger man looking chagrined. 

Bodie knew by the look on Doyle's face he'd have to tell his partner
something. Ray could never let anything go -- especially where it
concerned his partner. He opted for short and to the point.

"This bird I dated a couple of months ago .... well ... ummm .... she
liked whip cream and cherries ...." Bodie's voice faded off, hoping Doyle
would fill in the rest. By the look of confusion on his partner's face, he
still hadn't a clue. *Damn it, Ray, don't be so dense. *

"She liked to eat her dessert off something besides a dish. Okay? Cherry
juice makes a big mess, so I put the fur up and never got round to getting
it out again." Bodie turned away, not wanting to meet his partner's look
and teasing.

Glancing back, he saw Ray heading towards the bedroom door. "Hey, where
you off to? * 

"Saw some left in the fridge ...." 

Seeing the grin on his partner's face, Bodie took two steps, and, grabbing
Ray, he pulled him into an embrace. "Get back here, Goldilocks. Save the
dessert for when we've had a little more of the main course. And when we
get around to it, *you* can be the first dessert plate special." 

"S'long as it's not Cherries Jubilee," Doyle snorted in reply. 

Bodie's confession had released the tension in the room and restored their
lost comradery. The pain and hurt of the last few weeks slowly faded. Each
knew this was not someone he had to impress, to put on a show for; it was
his best mate, someone who knew all the good and all the bad about him. No
masks were needed; they could be themselves. They discovered love was best
this way.

Neither man spoke again for a very long time. They used their bodies to
communicate all the love and caring they couldn't bring themselves to
express verbally. 

Finally, naked, they stretched out side-by-side on the bed. Two strong,
tough, men; two tentative, gentle, lovers. They'd waited so long, wanted
so long, now that they were finally touching it took on a dream-like
quality. Bodie was the first to gather his wits and desire about him. He
pushed his partner onto his back and cuddled up close to his side. One of
Ray's arms was around the bigger man and could only stroke Bodie's back
and buttocks -- he took full advantage of the opportunity -- with his
other arm he reached up to touch the body to the side and slightly above
him. Bodie shoved the arm down to his side, briefly holding it there.

"Lay still. You can have your turn in a minute." With that, Bodie leaned
over and began to nibble on his lover's neck. His lips slid slowly down to
one of Ray's nipples; his hand was not idle -- it was stroking up his
partner's thigh to his groin. He avoided the hard shaft -- he wanted this
to last -- and concentrated on his partner's balls and inner thighs, with
first: feather touches, then strokes, and finally, gentle squeezes. His
lover's legs fell apart to give him better access. Never one to pass up an
opportunity, Bodie allowed his hand to sink lower, teasing the delicate
ring of muscle, pushing gently into the tight channel. Ray arched up and
groaned as one finger penetrated him, tossing his head from side to side.

*Not yet, sunshine, but soon. * Bodie smiled to himself in anticipation.
He'd been with men before -- not in a long time, but still, one never
quite forgot -- that had been sex, this was love, the difference between
vinegar and champaign. He'd never had the champaign of love before and he
found it had gone to his head -- he was drunk before he'd barely begun. 

Moving his finger slowly in and out, the dark-haired man continued his
assault on Ray's chest, leisurely moving down with gentle kisses until he
could lick the head of his lover's penis. However, before he could take
the hard organ into his mouth, his partner gave a shout, and hot liquid
shot out across his belly.

Bodie sighed, "That's wasteful, you know."

He snickered, as one green-eye popped open, and glared at him; it closed
quickly, and a groan came from Doyle's lips. After a couple of deep,
shuddering breaths, Ray spoke, "You don't want it to go to waste, don't be
so damned sexy. God, that was heaven!" He snuggled in closer to his
partner and pretended to be going to sleep.

"Aren't you forgetting something," Bodie queried, amused at his lover's
gentle teasing. He felt the mouth that was resting in his arm pit, smile.

"Don't know, am I?" Ray mumbled into his chest.

"This wasn't supposed to be DIY -- you know?"

The snicker his lover released tickled Bodie's pit. He complained, as he
shoved Ray's head away, "Give over. That tickles."

Doyle rose up, and rolled on top of his partner. The broad teasing smile
changed, as he looked down at the man stretched out beneath him, to one of
yearning hunger. No longer willing to wait, he pounced, "My turn now,
lover."

Where Bodie had been gentle -- almost hesitant -- Ray was wild with an all
consuming hunger. He bit, and licked, every inch of skin he could reach;
his hands stroked, then kneaded the flesh beneath him. As he slid down his
partner's torso with his lips, his hands grasped Bodie's arse -- one hand
pulled him tight and the other slid round to spread his lover's legs and
enter him. As the digit penetrated him, Ray's mouth closed over the
blue-eyed man's erection. The finger probed deep, the mouth sucked hard --
once, twice -- and Bodie screamed, as he shot hot velvet into his
partner's waiting mouth.

When he came back to himself he looked down the bed at Ray. His lover gave
a gentle lick to Bodie's shrinking organ and raised up; a trace of semen
trickled out the side of his mouth, a tongue flicked out to lick it away.
*He looks like a tiger finishing off a dish of cream, * Bodie mused to
himself. Doyle was looking very self-satisfied. Bodie smirked back.

"Enjoy your dinner, mate?" the dark-haired man asked.

"Best ever, lover," was Ray's arrogant reply. "Shan't ever want anything
else." It was a vow.

"Spoiled for anything else -- are you?" A tentative query from Bodie. He
wanted this to be more than a one-off.

"Aren't you?" Ray wanted to commit, but words always came hard to him --
especially, after the last few days. He leaned in, and gave his partner a
long, deep, kiss of commitment. "Nothing else will ever be as good." 

Bodie smiled, satisfied, he drifted off to sleep.

Ray snuggled in close to his partner and smirked. Ending up like this made
the last few weeks worth all the anger and pain. He quickly followed his
lover into sleep.

******

"Ah, shit!" The ring of the phone beside the bed was the last thing Bodie
wanted to wake up to. *And it'd been such a lovely dream, too. * He
sighed, wishing that someday he and Ray would have the courage to actually
do something about how they felt. He rolled over and answered the phone,
still far from fully awake and coherent.

"Bodie," he identified himself, giving the niceties a pass. At the same
time as he spoke, an arm came around his waist, a warm body suddenly
pressed along his back, and a sharp nip at his neck made him realize he
was not alone. He strove to remember the name of the bird and glanced down
at the arm for a clue. One look at the hairy, muscular arm beginning to
stroke his cock shocked him. It hadn't been a dream! An expletive escaped
him, ignoring the fact someone was on the other end of the line. "Bloody
hell!"

The voice at the other end registered irritation. "Mr. Bodie, this is Ann
Holly. Is Ray there?"

The bottom started to fall out of his world. He wanted to deny Doyle's
presence, not to give her a chance back into his partner's life. But what
could he offer compared to a beautiful intelligent woman? Besides, Ray was
close enough to hear who it was and who she wanted. He sat up, pulling
away from Doyle, and handed him the phone. As he tried to stand to get
away from the pain of losing Ray back to her -- after all, his partner
would have to be nuts to chose a man who was terrified of commitments, who
had failed at every serious relationship he'd ever tried, and whom a
liaison with could get him fired from his job -- Doyle's arm snaked again
around his waist and held him tight. He couldn't move without starting a
wrestling match, and the strength of Ray's grip told him that was exactly
what would happen if he tried. He stopped struggling, resigned to
listening to his own execution.

"`Lo, Ann. What can I do for you?"

"I've been thinking. We need to talk."

*Of course she's been thinking, * Bodie thought sarcastically, *She'd have
to be bloody stupid to give up Ray, and stupid is not a name I'd call her.
*

Bodie fought to keep his rising panic down and to listen to the
conversation. Ray's answer was cautious, "Thought we'd said it all this
morning."

"I was mad and upset. I don't like being used ..."

"I never used you to get to your father, but when I saw the picture
connecting him to a drug runner, I couldn't very well ignore it. Do you
have any idea the kind of damage drugs do, especially to kids?"

"Yes. And I'm sorry. I'd like for us to try and work this out. Maybe now
you know I'm not involved you can start to ...." Obviously realizing how
that sounded, she amended what she was going to say, "We can learn to
trust each other." When he was slow to reply she pleaded, "Please, Ray."

Ray sat up and Bodie attempted to use his movement to get away, but his
partner was too fast for him, his arm was quickly back around Bodie and
pulling him up close against his body. The dark haired man surrendered and
leaned back against the strong, warm body. He listened in relief to Ray's
reply.

"I'm sorry, but it wouldn't work. I'm not going to spend the rest of my
life apologizing for my job. We're able to make a difference, and I'm
proud of that. Your attitude towards the necessities of the job -- " 

"It's not like that ... I never meant you to ... it's true I don't like
the violence, but still .... Ray, I love you."

"No, Ann, you only love part of me, not all of me. I need someone who
loves me, every last little bit, not someone who needs to wear blinders to
avoid the unpleasant bits." With these words Bodie felt a gentle kiss on
the back of his neck and Ray's arm tighten around him. He couldn't stop a
grunt from escaping -- Ray was very strong.

Ann, hearing it, felt fear and anger. This should have been so easy, if
she could forgive Ray then he could surely forgive her, after all she was
the wronged party! She struck out. "Is that Bodie? Couldn't he give you a
little privacy?"

*I wanted to, sweetheart, this front row seat was loverboy's idea, * Bodie
thought to himself with vexation. Ray had not lessened his hold one little
bit.

She went on, "Well. Don't we even deserve a face to face meeting?"

"`M sorry but there's really no point ...."

"I suppose you think CI5's enough .... Well, just remember when you're
lonely in your bed at night and reach out in the dark to find no one
there, you gave up on us -- not me."

"I'm sorry, it just won't -- " Before Ray could say more, Ann attacked in
hurt and anger but made the mistake of going after Bodie instead of Ray.

"That thug you call a partner isn't likely -- "

Doyle saw red. Nobody, but nobody, was allowed to hurt or criticize his
Bodie. He interrupted her tirade with one of his own. "That so called thug
has more compassion and caring and genuine acceptance than you could ever
hope to know. And as for a cold, lonely bed, you're the only one who has
to worry about that. I've found someone to fill my nights. It's over, Ann,
let it go." He hung up to the sound of silence.

Bodie sighed, "You didn't have to be quite so hard there. She's hurting
and didn't mean -- "

"I know just what she meant, and no one says that about you." Ray used
both arms to pull his partner into a tighter hug. "No one."

"Shhh. `S going to be okay. She can't hurt me, not unless she takes you
away, and I'm beginning to get the feeling there is no chance of that?"

"Only you for me, Sunshine. Now and always." Ray's words were a solemn
vow.

Bodie answered, "Now and always."

No more words were spoken as they sealed their love with their bodies. No
matter what came, they would face it together.

******

* SYMPHONY First Movement: DUET*

Ray Doyle woke abruptly, feelings of dread and depression settling about
him like a cloud. It didn't take long to remember the source of his
distress. Cowley. They were going to see their old boss today. *He*wanted
to hire them for a consult. All the pain, hurt, anger and sense of
betrayal of twenty months ago threatened to engulf him again. He rolled
over and snuggled up against his lover's back. Bodie was taking this much
better than he was -- ironic that. 

If anyone had asked him two years ago who would be hurt most by Cowley's
giving them the boot because of their homosexual relationship, he'd have
said Bodie. But Bodie had weathered the storm much better than Doyle.
They'd both been hurt and surprised by their boss' actions, and angry --
because whatever Cowley claimed, he wasn't telling them the real reason
for their dismissal. There was no way he'd ever belief George Cowley was
homophobic or that he couldn't pull a few strings to allow them to stay --
even if it was against traditonal policy. The thing which had upset Ray
the most was he felt after all their years serving CI5 they at least
deserved the truth. But Cowley was less than forthcoming -- as usual -- he
just had to play his games .... 

Ray's mind drifted back to the day a little under two years ago when it
had all changed ...

 He and Bodie had been together just under eight months and had decided it
was time Cowley be informed of their 'marriage'. The first few months
they'd worked to maintain their stud image by double dating and arranging
to be seen out with various birds by their fellow agents. No one noticed
they went home not with the women but with each other. The act paled after
awhile; they didn't want to be with anyone else on their off duty time and
had began to resent the time spent in other's company. So, by the end of
their fourth month as lovers, they gave up the pretense of dating. 

The funny thing was they'd never even discussed the decision, the last
date had just occurred and then neither one made any more. It was weeks
later before both men realized there were no longer any women in the
picture. They'd laughed a little at the discovery but had done nothing to
change it. Instead, they'd retired to bed early and made love long into
the night. Neither needed nor wanted anyone else. 

The job had been unusually hectic at the time, so it had taken another
three months for anyone to begin to notice that the super studs of CI5
were no longer involved with women. But the last month had seen too many
comments and raised eyebrows from the other agents to ignore any longer.
Cowley would have to be told; if he didn't already know, that was. The
last couple of weeks both he and his partner had had the feeling they were
being watched and had even caught a glimpse of Stuart lurking outside of
one of their flats one day. They'd discussed cooling it for awhile, but
both had decided they no longer wanted to live in hiding. They wouldn't go
out of their way to advertise their relationship, but they weren't going
to go out of their way to hide it from anyone who chose to snoop either.
And that included George bloody Cowley.

They went into a meeting, called by their boss, well aware of the likely
subject of discussion but unsure as to the stand he'd take. He generally
preached tolerance, and wasn't adverse to breaking the rules when it
suited him, so both men had felt that they stood a chance of keeping their
jobs. 

They'd been wrong.

Cowley, never one for the social niceties when something was on his mind,
cut right to the heart of the situation.

"It's been brought to my notice that the two of you are spending an
excessive amount of off duty time together, even to the exclusion of your
normal dating routine. While I encourage partners to depend on each other
I think you've crossed the line and need to develop other interests. Do I
make myself clear?" Cowley's gaze met each of theirs and then returned to
the files on his desk with the assumption that the subject was over.

Bodie's confused look met his own, and Doyle realized he'd have to be the
one to confront their boss.

"I'm sorry, sir, but that won't be possible. We're committed to each other
and intend to remain exclusive. There won't be any more women." 

"Ach, man, neither of you know the meaning of the word commitment,"
Cowley's disbelief was evident.

Bodie stood up straight and looked the older man in the eye before
replying, "We do now."

The CI5 Controller glared up at him, Bodie looked determined, and then
turned to look hard at Doyle as well, he glared back, looking stubborn,
his eyes shifted under the old man's continued glare. "Even if it means
you no longer work for CI5?" Cowley questioned.

There had been no hesitation on either man's part.

"Yes," Doyle had quietly replied.

And Bodie's voice had echoed, "Yes, sir. Even then."

"You know government policy on this matter?" Cowley queried.

"Yes, sir. But we thought --?" Bodie, always the blue-eyed favorite, spoke
for the pair.

"What? That I had some sort of leeway no other operational head has? I'm
sorry, Bodie, but I do not. If you persist in this relationship, I must
ask for your resignations."

Both men nodded their understanding but their instincts were telling them
Cowley wasn't giving them the full truth -- neither man believed for a
moment the Controller wouldn't change the rules when it suited him. Why it
didn't suit him in this instance, neither man had a clue.

Cowley concluded, "Very well, gentlemen. You have one week to clear out of
your flats and turn in your cars. I'll take your badges and guns now."

They exchanged a look with their boss and saw his determination, then a
look with each other and nodded. Silently they handed in their guns and
badges and turned towards the door.

As Ray reached to open it, Cowley's voice called out to them, Doyle and
Bodie paused but did not turn around. "Bodie, Doyle, when you're ready to
give up this relationship your places on the squad will be waiting. There
will always be a place for you with CI5."

They nodded but said nothing. Both knew that day would never come.

******

 *Yet, * Ray thought, *In a way it has. Just not how any of us would have
predicted. And on our terms, not his. * He found some satisfaction in the
fact, but was still frustrated that they were no closer to knowing why
he'd dismissed them as he had. They'd both expected him to try and talk to
them, reason with them, hear them out, so when he did none of that, they'd
been thrown. *It's almost as if he didn't think we'd be gone very long? *
Still, as Doyle mused over the last couple of years, he realized Cowley
had done nothing to make things more difficult, in point of fact when they
needed his silence, he'd given it, and when they needed him to speak, he'd
spoken. *What was the old bastard up to? * he asked himself for the
millionth time, doubting he'd ever get a satisfactory answer.

The first six months after their 'resignations' had been difficult. 

*Living on love. * Ray had thought the idea was romantic dribble, until
they'd actually done it a couple of times. They'd both got a bit saved up
but had been determined not to dip too far into it -- it was reserved to
keep their new business going. They'd taken what odd jobs they could and
had tried to set up a security firm. But while their CI5 credentials might
mean something in certain circles, their departure under a silent cloud
out weighed the value their training could offer. And those who didn't
care about the cloud -- well, those jobs were often too far on the wrong
side of the law to be considered. So while they had managed to get a few
security jobs, the income provided wasn't even enough to make expenses for
the small office they'd rented.

Despite the difficulties of those first months Doyle remembered them
fondly. Not working regularly had meant more time to spend together. They
couldn't afford much of anything, but there were a lot of free things to
do in London if you knew where to look; and if you were in love, those
were just as nice as the most expensive vacation. They explored the city
and worked odd jobs when they got the chance, always together and always
watching the other's back. 

He remembered one particularly rough day which had ended in a trip to the
London Zoo ....

 They'd been out of work about six weeks. Jobs had been scarce, there'd
been a cold wave and the manual labor work had dried up temporarily, funds
were running very low. He and Bodie were in the middle of their first real
fight. There'd only been enough food left for a breakfast of two slices of
toast and one egg. Ray had fixed it and served it to his partner, letting
Bodie think that he'd already had his, instead having only tea for
himself. Bodie needed to eat more than he did; Ray felt he could make do
for a few hours. Unfortunately, Bodie discovered what his lover had done
and hit the roof.

"Damn it, Doyle." Being called by his last name by his lover was always a
bad sign -- it'd been happening more and more the last couple of weeks as
the money got scarce. "You need to eat as much as I do."

"Used to skip breakfast all the time when we worked --"

"That was by choice, not need, and you'd probably had a big dinner the
night before, not just an order of fish and chips--"

"Still, I can do okay without --" Ray had started to insist.

Bodie interrupted angrily, "For how bloody long? We're out of money and
food. Mother Hubbard had more in her cupboards. We're in this together and
should have shared equally the last --"

"We've got a couple of construction prospects --"

"And it's cold as a bat's arse out there. Not going to be hiring any
temporary laborers today."

"And what about that check we're due from our one and only client?" 

"Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, or in a couple of bloody months. She has to
wait on her divorce settlement and we have to wait on her." Bodie was
determined, "That's it? I'm going to the bank to pull some money out of
savings --"

"We agreed to use it only to keep the business going, not for living
expenses --" Ray was just as determined.

"Well we can't work if we're not eating -- can we?"

"If we pound the pavement today we're bound to find some temp work. We
agreed that the savings was not for --" Doyle was becoming pedantic.

"Cut the crap, and let's cut to the chase." 

Ray just glared back at his partner, "What chase?"

"The reason you don't want to dip into the savings is that it's mostly my
savings from before the squad and you don't want to feel like you're
living off me." His partner opened his mouth to repudiate it, but Bodie
beat him to it. "Don't try to deny it, Ray, you know it's the truth."

Doyle turned away, walked to the window, and stared out, not saying
anything. What could he say, it was the truth, and they both knew it. He'd
always been independent, and had been raised to believe he'd be the one to
support a family, now he was going to have to be the one supported. As
much as he loved Bodie, he hated the thought of being kept by him. 

He sensed his partner come up behind him; Bodie refrained from touching
him. "Ray, do you want to go back to CI5?" Bodie's voice was soft and
unemotional.

"That would mean not being together. Knowing the Cow, he's likely to send
us to opposite ends of the country to keep us apart. Probably order one of
us start a one man branch in the Shetlands." Ray hurt at the thought
Bodie'd had enough and was ready to break up; he tried to hide the pain
behind humor. It didn't work. When only silence answered him he finally
asked, "Is that what you want? Us to break up so we can go back to CI5"

"`S not what I asked you." 

He turned in anger, ready to strike out at his lover who was so willing to
give up the best thing they'd ever had. The look on Bodie's face stopped
him cold. His lover had been able to keep the pain out of his voice, but
not his expression. The blue eyes glistened with the effort not to cry.
Ray took one step forward and drew Bodie into a fierce hug. He squeezed
until he heard an 'Oomph' from his lover, then relaxed his hold and leaned
back so he could look into his face, raising his right hand to cup the
side of Bodie's head, he allowed his thumb to gently brush away the tear
which had overflowed on to a pale cheek.

"`S going to be all right, sunshine. My pride's not worth giving us up.
Just try to understand it's hard for me to be kept," Doyle reached out
with his words.

"I do know, love, but we can't starve." Bodie paused to steal a kiss from
the sweet lips before him. "So here's what we're going to do: we're going
to sign up with an answering service so we can commit to longer term jobs
if necessary, I'm going to take enough money out for us to eat over the
next couple of weeks, and then we're taking the day off from pounding the
pavement and going to the zoo." Doyle opened his mouth to speak but before
he could say anything Bodie covered it with his hand and said, "No
arguments. We need the break."

"Wasn't going to argue, just going to ask if we were going to be visiting
your relatives?" At Bodie's confused look -- he had no close living
relatives -- Doyle kidded, "Well we are going to the ape house -- aren't
we?"

Bodie'd whacked him none to gently up the side of the head and they'd
headed out.

Even now, so many months later, that day stood out among the rest as a
special one, a turning point. It'd been the day he'd realized nothing was
more important to him than his lover, and he had to learn to take as well
as give.

The trip to the zoo had been an inspired idea on the part of his partner.
They'd rediscovered laughter after too many weeks of strain.

At the ape house there was a keeper cleaning out one of the habitats,
Bodie'd nudged him and pointed, "Looks like the Mather's twin -- don't
she?" Then he'd pointed to a dark haired monkey looking through from
another area, "`N that's me wishing she'd just get out. And there you are
over in the corner, feeling picked upon." He pointed to a small brown
primate who was also watching the cleaning operation.

Ray had chuckled before replying, "Nah, mate, that's me mooning over the
fact I can't get at your sweet arse with her in the middle." Bodie'd
looked quickly around to see if anyone had overheard. No one was in sight,
so he'd pinched Ray's arse.

"I'll be getting it tonight then," his partner had leered at him, then
winked. They'd both shared a dirty laugh.

Ray had dragged his lover to the Ape House; Bodie dragged him to the
Children's Zoo. They'd had more fun there than just about anywhere else.
The pigs had fascinated them both, city boys that they were. There was a
sow in a sty with babies, thirteen little pink wigglers who squealed to
high heaven. At one point, Mom had apparently had enough of nursing for
the time being, and had left them to grab a bite to eat for herself. Said
departure did not go over well with the little ones, and they'd yelled so
loud and long both men hadn't been able to stop laughing for five minutes.
For the rest of the day any referral to it would set them off again. 

It had been especially bad near closing when a harassed mother with four
little ones had tried to sit for a few minutes on a bench and drink a
cuppa. Every one of the kids, from the baby in the pram to the
seven-year-old, had continued to interrupt and complain about the break.
They'd leaned against a railing and watched for awhile, and then Bodie'd
leaned into his ear and whispered, "`S all the same. Bet she's glad she
doesn't have thirteen little squealers." 

That had started them both laughing again, and they chose to leave before
someone decided two hysterical men were up to something and needed talking
to. Doyle didn't know what he'd do if some copper came up to them and
asked, *What's all this then?*, but he'd be willing to bet he'd have to
pick Bodie up off the ground he'd be laughing so hard. The term squealer
had stuck with them, however, and it, or a mention of pigs or pork, was
now their code for someone complaining too much about nothing.

After that day, surprisingly, rather than getting on each other's nerves
-- being together so much and in such strained circumstances -- their bond
had actually deepened. They'd finally taken time to actually talk about
themselves. Up until then, each knew only the bits and pieces of the
other's history which had slipped out during the course of their
investigations or on late night drunks. Over those six months during long
walks, many of them in the rain, they'd shared their pasts until no dark
painful corners were left unrevealed. Ray'd found the process to be
cleansing, and he knew Bodie had as well. To be fully known and totally
accepted as you were was a gift neither man had before experienced. It was
very liberating.

Six months out of CI5 they'd found themselves dipping more and more into
savings just to last out the week, with few long term job prospects, and
both happier than they could ever remember being. Had either been asked if
the price for being together was too high they'd have said, "No way. It
was more than worth it." 

The six month mark did see one improvement in their circumstances. They'd
pulled in every favor they had coming to get permits to carry guns; it was
at this point the permits had finally come through. With the dangers from
old enemies they'd put away, and the need for arms to protect their
charges when they could get body guarding jobs as justification, and
several strings pulled by old friends, they'd managed to finally acquire
the permits needed to carry concealed weapons. They were careful never to
abuse their use and to keep their skills up to their usual superior
standards, so there could be no excuse to revoke the licenses. Those
magic, legal tickets had meant more jobs and more money coming in, the
hand to mouth existence finally eased. 

For a time they became hired muscle for many of the dignitaries who came
to England on unofficial business. Most had their own body guards, but the
presence of armed men from the host country meant a much better chance of
surviving an attempted kidnapping or assassination plot. They didn't like
being hired stooges, and chose carefully whom they would work for -- one
Columbian 'official' was turned firmly down -- but the jobs paid the bills
and kept the office door open, giving them a chance to build up a decent
business.

Their next bit of luck had come two months later. James Guthrie, who
they'd helped recover some stolen tank plans when they worked for CI5,
recommended them to a friend of his whose multinational corporation was
moving into England and needed a security system set up. It would be the
break they needed if they could only get the contract. This wasn't just
installing alarms but involved establishing security protocols and
employee screenings to prevent industrial espionage from taking place. The
job was up for bids because the last security chief had been fired for
incompetence after the successful theft of some important research
material, and everything was to be done from the ground up. There were
several firms bidding on the job, and only Guthrie's recommendation had
allowed them to be included.

Ray thought back on the interview....

 "Well, I trust Jim's opinion a lot, but this is a major security
installation, and I need assurance that..."

Bodie spoke up -- they wanted this job, it was the first real shot they'd
had at what they truly wanted to do. "We both still retain our top secret
clearance. It's never been revoked."

"I'm aware of that, Mr. Bodie. But what puzzles me is why you left CI5. It
obviously wasn't for the money -- you've turned down several very
lucrative job offers in the past eight months because of who you'd be
working for." He held up a hand as Bodie started to interrupt.

"Don't get me wrong. Of the ones I've heard about I don't blame you at all
for turning them down. Drug lords and organized crime figures are not the
best of employers. However, if money was your prime motivating factor
those jobs would have been accepted.

"And I don't think your departure was planned. My sources tell me both
yourself and Mr. Doyle were left scrambling for work, a place to live, and
transport, and CI5 was left trying to fill the gap your resignations
created. A gap, I might add, which my source says has yet to be adequately
filled. The news reports are not always very informative, but CI5 has
suffered several major set backs in the months since you left."

Bodie and Ray exchanged looks. They knew the man was questioning their
loyalty. Doyle replied, "It wasn't our idea to leave. Our boss thought it
would be better for the organization." 

Ronald Dale, head of R. D. International, studied the men across from him
carefully. They were perfect for what he wanted. All reports on them
indicated they were the best, better than he could hope to find anywhere
else, and Jim recommended them very highly. Men who couldn't be bought,
with ideals and principles, who loved their country, and who knew their
business -- yet why had they left CI5 and George Cowley? 

His inside information said up until eight months ago they had been the
man's right and left hands, absolutely loyal, putting their lives at risk
without question and without anger even when they were placed in dangerous
situations without a full briefing. Yet one day they had walked in, given,
or been asked for, their resignations -- to the detriment of both
themselves and CI5 -- and left in silence. And to this day no one but the
two men before him and George Cowley knew the reason. Without the answer
to why they had left there was always a risk in employing them. He decided
to confront the issue head on.

"I'd like to hire you but I'll be honest; I, like just about everyone else
who looks at your firm, want to know why you left your former boss and
job." He rubbed his temple in frustration; he needed them to open up and
trust him, "I don't like to pry -- it's your business -- but you'll have
to concede the reasons for your departure could have direct bearing on the
job I wish to hire you for."

Sighing, Doyle knew it was time to be honest. The answer couldn't cost
them anymore contracts than their silence had thus far. He didn't even
have to look over at his partner to know he felt the same way.

"Our boss asked for our resignations because we are in a monogamous,
homosexual relationship with each other." Doyle stood tall, shoulders
back; he refused to apologize for something which had brought him so much
happiness. He'd rather starve than give his partner up. *There it was out
and didn't hurt near as much as I thought it would to say it, * he
concluded.

Dale looked hard at them before questioning, "That doesn't sound like the
George Cowley I've heard about. He's always preached tolerance." Doubt
shaded his voice.

Bodie spoke before Doyle had a chance to. "Not the man we'd come to know
either. But it's the truth. Our jobs are waiting if we're willing to give
up each other." The man behind the desk still looked doubtful. "Call him
up and ask him if you don't believe me."

Ron Dale nodded, "Very well, I'll do that. You'll have my answer
tomorrow."

They'd left in trepidation. Even if they were believed, who'd want to hire
a couple of nancy boys to design a whole new security protocol for a
multinational corporation?

The answer was Ronald Dale damn well would. He'd called them into a
meeting the next day and informed them he didn't give a damn who they
slept with as long as they did the job. Cowley had confirmed their claim.
In fact, the supposedly taciturn head of CI5 had been a bit on the chatty
side. It wasn't until after he'd gotten off the phone Dale realized he'd
been carefully interrogated as to the health and well being of William
Bodie and Ray Doyle. Apparently their ex-boss was still concerned about
them, and in reviewing the conversation Dale maintained the impression
that the concern was more than just professional. He wondered what minster
was so anti-homosexual he'd forced the resignation of CI5's best team.
*Cutting off the nose to spite the face. * 

Abruptly, overnight, they went from not making ends meet to being very
well off. The primary job took over seven months -- they were still paid
retainers -- and they'd gone from a business with just themselves as
employees to one with twenty-four men and women working for them. R. D.
International, Dale's company, had broken the blacklist, and within months
they had more companies trying to hire them than they could handle. Bodie
and Doyle had decided not to try to expand too fast to meet the need but
to pick and choose the contracts they would take. By the end of their
first year in operation, their company was considered the best in the
business for speciality jobs -- at least in the UK -- and it wasn't
because of their history with CI5 they were so in demand but because they
got the job done better than anyone else. 

Including, much to the government's chagrin, several of their own security
organizations. It was becoming quite common for Bodie and Doyle to be
hired to consult on matters of security even when the government was
supposed to be providing it. MI5 had been particularly hostile on several
occasions early on, but the new head of the organization was much more
cooperative. The old head had been replaced when an operation he was in
charge of had soured, and it came out he'd ignored Bodie and Doyle's
recommended improvements. Ray smiled at that memory. No one dared ignore
their advice again. 

*T'was kind of nice having them jump through hoops. * Of course, several
spectacular successes hadn't hurt either. They'd stopped one kidnapping
attempt, some special back up security devices they'd installed at one
company had caught the perpetrators of a bit of industrial espionage, and
they'd managed to recover some silver, stolen from a very prestigious
Lord, before it had gone to the black market or been melted down. Ray
grimaced at the memory of that particular job. Marge Harper had been the
one to help them out. Then he smiled as he remembered how that particular
consult had ended.

******

They'd reclaimed the family's silver, it had just left in the insurance
company's custody to be returned to the Peer. All that was left was to dot
the 'i's and cross the 't's, say thank you very much to Marge, and arrange
for her check. Doyle'd been backed into the corner of her couch waiting
for Bodie, who was on the phone to the insurance company, organizing
payment of her finder's fee so they could leave. Ms Harper had always been
fond of Ray Doyle, too fond as far as he was concerned, much to the
previous amusement of his partner. Bodie had come into the room to see her
hand slipping slowly up Doyle's thigh a slightly panicked look on his
mate's face. Young women, and all types of men Ray could handle -- no
problem -- but give him a motherly type with a crush on him and he was
suddenly out of his depth. Up until this point, Bodie'd found both Marge's
interest and Ray's befuddled discomfort quite amusing. Suddenly, now they
were a couple, Bodie discovered he no longer found it funny.

"Tsk, tsk, Marge. Hands off. Those bits are on reserve," Bodie had quietly
stated, sitting on her other side, gently removing her hand and giving it
a gallant kiss on the back before releasing it into her lap.

"And who's reserved them?" she'd asked indignantly, "I don't see no ring."

"An oversight, I assure you," Bodie had informed her. He'd then moved his
look from her hand to Ray's eyes and dropped his professional guard a bit
as he said to Ray, "She's right, sunshine, we'll go ring shopping when
we're done here. Discourage anymore misunderstandings." He grinned and
winked at his startled friend and lover.

Doyle, who could remember the last time he blushed very clearly -- he was
sixteen and his Mum had just come in on him getting his end away with his
current girl -- felt his face getting suddenly hot and knew he had to be
turning beet red. Bodie, of course, was quick to confirm this.

"That's not a particularly attractive color for your face, luv. Red and
green always make me think of Christmas."

Ray looked over at Marge to see a distressed look on her face. "Ah,
sweetheart, couldn't you have done better than this lout?" She poked Bodie
in the ribs with her elbow before concluding, "You're wasting yourself on
him, you are."

Up until then Doyle had been befuddled and confused by Bodie's jealous
revelation, but suddenly he understood his partner's need for someone to
know what they meant to each other. And inspite of appearances, Marge
could be very discreet. He stood up, turned, reached down with one hand
pulling Bodie up beside him and gave his lover a quick one armed hug. "He
suits me just fine, Marge, and I'm lucky to have him watching my back." He
winked at her emphasizing the double meaning of what he'd just said.

The woman studied the two men hard as she rose from the sofa, noting the
flush and touch of embarrassment stealing up the taller man's cheeks. "You
two aren't kidding -- are you?" she sounded surprised to conclude. "Bloody
hell!" Marge watched both men for a few more moments before she spoke
again addressing Bodie, "He's special," she nodded at Doyle, "You take
good care of him." 

As she turned and walked out the door Bodie's soft reply echoed in the
room, "Always." 

Marge sighed, and left the room mumbleing something under her breath
about, "damn if that old cliche wasn't true after all."

******

He fingered the ring on his left hand as he remembered the scene. Both he
and Bodie now wore wedding rings thanks to Marge.

*Back to the business at hand, * he mused allowing his mind to return to
their company. B and D Security Consultants was a thriving business with
enough contracts to keep everyone working full out for years. And that was
a problem. They didn't want to over work their people -- tired people got
sloppy -- and currently they still needed to hire at least half a dozen
more to maintain their current work load, but they'd kept their standards
high and where having trouble filling the positions. The job was fun --
they'd always liked setting up and testing security systems and
operations, but the administrative side was a bitch. 

They had several ex-Met men whom Doyle knew and could vouch for, also half
a dozen ex-SAS -- Bodie or his connections had vouched for them, and even
a few CI5 and MI5 agents also worked for them, but finding more who they
could trust was becoming difficult. They paid well so they often got the
first crack at people looking for a change, but they demanded not only top
notch skills but absolute reliability. Anyone they hired had to be vouched
for by someone they knew and trusted. And those were getting harder to
find. The best source would have been CI5, but they refused to do that to
their old organization and boss.

They'd not gone recruiting among it's ranks -- in point of fact, they had
at first turned down the CI5 agents who'd shown an interest in working for
them. Bodie and Doyle did not want to antagonize their former boss by
stealing from his already under-manned squad -- but in the end it was the
same story. They where married men who'd had enough of the risk and
danger: one whose wife was pregnant with their second child and another
whose wife refused to even consider having a child until her husband was
in a less dangerous position and a third whose fiance had said CI5 or him
-- the woman had chosen to stay engaged and go job hunting. So they'd
given in. They needed the manpower, and these people would leave CI5
whether B and D Security hired them or not.

Doyle sighed. With the hiring of the CI5 agents they'd finally heard the
truth about what was going on in their old organization. The news from
inside was not good. He thought back to the night they'd taken their two
new hires out for celebratory drinks their first day on the job. 

 "S'how'd you like your first day, Kaye? Think it'll offer enough
challenge?" Doyle had asked the woman as they sat down at a table at the
back of the bar. Bodie and the other new hire had gone to get the drinks.

"Oh, I think so, Mr. Doyle --"

"Told you to call me Ray," he remonstrated. As she started to protest he
added, "At least when we're relaxing or in private. Mr. Doyle has me
looking around for my dad."

She'd given him a cocky grin and nodded her agreement. "At least I won't
have the same problem with Bodie. Can't see him telling me to call him
William." Ray had choked, laughing so hard, at the very idea. Pam sat back
in her seat with a smile.

Pamela Kaye was a bright and efficient, she'd shared Betty's job for the
last three years, first as her assistant and then on her own whenever the
work load got too heavy -- of late that had been all the time. She wasn't
young -- Doyle hadn't a clue as to her age, he'd guess early forties --
she was pleasant looking, and at first seemed quiet, and a bit shy; but he
and the rest of the squad had learned quickly on not to get up her nose,
`cause the sparks would fly. He grinned at the memory of the one time he'd
actually heard her tell Cowley off.

Their boss had come down rather hard on Betty for not having something
done he'd requested hours before. Betty had left quickly to retrieve the
file; the minute she was out of sight and ear shot, Pamela had lit into
him in her own subtle and inimitable way. "Next time you want someone who
can do eight things at once, I suggest you hire an octopus."

The Controller had turned startled eyes towards her and she proceeded to
list, in great detail and exacting terms, all she and Betty had
accomplished that day. Kaye then proceeded to point out how each and every
item had been a crisis according to their illustrious leader. God, what
Ray would have given to see Cowley's expression when she'd called him that
to his face, but hidden around a corner he didn't dare peak again, `cause
he wouldn't miss *hearing* this for anything. She'd then finished the old
man off with, "If you've got this many emergencies, I recommend you look
at hiring another assistant." 

*Ouch, * Doyle thought, *Right where it hurts him most -- in the
pocketbook. * Chuckling at the memory he studied the woman before him.

Amazingly, in only one day on the job, Doyle had watched order spring from
chaos at the mere touch of her fingers. Cowley was going to miss her
sorely, but there had been no way to talk her into staying with CI5. The
man she'd been keeping company with for the last several years had finally
come up to snuff and popped the question. Unfortunately, he'd made it
clear a job where: bombs exploded in the boss' office and a hit man killed
the security guard and went after that same said boss, was not a man he
wanted his future wife working for. Her fiance worked for the Home
Secretary and so had full knowledge of the more notorious incidents in
CI5's short history. The danger, coupled with the long hours involved with
working for George Cowley had led him to suggest a job change. Pamela,
also wanting to spend time with her soon to be husband, acquiesced and
sent out her resume. She'd been in high demand and Doyle and Bodie had
been surprised and vastly pleased when she'd accepted their offer.

Shortly they were joined by Bodie and thier other new recruit from CI5,
Terry Wilfred. They chatted about the new jobs, the direction that Bodie
and Doyle hoped to take their year old company in, and how Pamela's
wedding arrangements were going. Mercifully, for the sake of the men
listening, she hadn't gone into any great detail. Ray then casually
broached the subject which was uppermost in his and Bodie's mind.

"So, how are things going on the squad?"

Terry and Pam exchanged glances and opted for the truth. Terry replied,
"Not very well. We've lost three agents in the last year since you've been
gone. Got some new up and comers, but no one up to the requirements of
A-squad yet."

"Mr. Cowley is trying to restrict what CI5 takes on, but there's so much
to do, and so many problem areas, its resources are stretched to the limit
almost constantly." Pam elaborated, "One of those agents we lost was shot
in his own apartment as an act of revenge. He died on the way to the
hospital. The shooter's dead too. Turns out she was just a pawn in a
bigger game, and, of course, the men who used her got off scott free."

"And that doesn't count several cases which have gone very sour." Wilfred
did not look very happy at the memory. "When two of our operatives ended
up shot by another Brit agency -- well, that's when I figured the wife was
right and it was time to change jobs to one with a longer life
expectancy." 

Doyle and Bodie hadn't pressed for details -- neither man had wanted to
hear more -- but the gist of it was Cowley was hurting without his best
team to support him. Ray hadn't realized how much he had depended on them,
and he hated to hear things were going badly, but he also refused to feel
guilty. *It had been Cowley's choice, and whatever his reasoning, he was
paying the price for the decision. *

******

Checking the time again, he stretched over and shut off the alarm before
it could jar his lover awake. *There are much nicer ways to wake Bodie up.
*

First Ray nibbled his ear, then down to his neck and shoulder; his partner
was sleeping soundly -- they'd not got to sleep until very late. Nerves
over seeing Cowley again for the first time in almost two years had left
both men too taut to find sleep easily. Doyle's gentle caresses merely
caused Bodie to wiggle a little, nestling Ray's cock more firmly into his
crack. 

Ray smiled to himself, *If that's how you'd like to wake up, sunshine, `s
fine by me. * 

He reached over and grabbed the lube from the nightstand and, pulling
slightly away from his partner, quickly greased himself up. Then he
shifted their bodies slightly and inserted himself into Bodie in one long
smooth stroke. *Damn, bloody marvelous, * Ray thought as he paused to
enjoy the sensation. His lover apparently agreed with the sentiment
because he spoke after a few minutes.

"Well, I'm not Sleeping Beauty and that's not a kiss, but I'd recommend it
as a wake up call any day." Bodie stretched and shifted a bit before
continuing, "You going to spend the rest of the day like this or are you
going to fuck me through the mattress?" He tightened his anal muscles
causing his partner to moan in pleasure, "Your choice, but if I get a
vote, I'd cast it for a bit of action."

"Your desire is my heart," was Ray's somewhat muddled reply as he began to
move deep within his lover's body. 

"Ahhh ... that's perfect ... wish you could do that all day, mate." Bodie
groaned as he met Ray stroke for stroke. Doyle's hand reached around and
grasped his partner's cock knowing his dark haired, blue-eyed lover would
not last long under the dual assault.

He didn't. Less than a minute later both men came with groans.

Bodie saw fit to complain, "Why'd you go and do that? Could have drawn it
out just a bit longer."

"And made us late for our meeting with the Cow. No way," Ray replied.

"Suppose. Still, if he made any comments, I'd have loved to tell him just
what we'd been doing."

"Know it still hurts, luv, but if we're going to do this consult job,
we've got to remain professional. And telling our client that we were late
because I was screwing you does not project the right image."

"Pity. Still, it'd almost be worth it."

"Booodddie!" Ray's voice held a bit of a threat.

"I'll behave." He shifted and rolled to look at his mate. At the skeptical
look he saw on Doyle's face, he added, "Promise." Of course, the big grin
and wink that he threw his lover when Ray nodded his acceptance did
nothing to assure the green-eyed man.

******

*Second Movement: TRIO*

They'd been in their meeting with George Cowley for almost two hours, and
Ray Doyle was getting angrier by the minute. He finally lost it.

"No! No! And NO!! Absolutely not!!! We are not going to be your Judas
goats again." Doyle paced across the small room and slammed his fist into
a file cabinet. "You know damn well the assassins are going to go for the
body guards first and then the Sheik. It's the Parsali business all over
again. We were lucky once; you can't pay us enough to take that risk
again. We'll advise, run security screens, but you use your own people as
body guards."

"I would if I could --"

"What's wrong," Doyle goaded, "No one stupid enough to play at being a
martyr?"

"No. No one good enough. If I thought any of my people stood a chance, I'd
put them in the line of fire -- even if I knew it'd most likely mean their
lives -- but after Sinclair was killed and Wilde resigned, I don't have a
pair who could stop the hit men. Anson and Murphy will be on sick leave
for another four to six weeks at least, and there is no one else."

"Well, then you'll just have to make do with what you have because we
don't hire out as targets any more. We're not expendable!"

At the underlying accusation, Cowley for once lost his cool, "You never
were expendable! At least not to me. But you were the best, bar none, and
no one could touch you. I don't have a team who comes anywhere close --"

"And whose fault is that?"

Doyle's question/accusation hung in the air. All the hurt and confusion
that had been buried deep was suddenly brought to the fore. Before
anything else could be said Doyle concluded, "We're not taking the job and
that's it. We aren't going to risk dying for some Arab who's suddenly
decided it's better to talk than fight and as a consequence is now under
fire from his old associates." With those words he turned and stormed out
the door, slamming it behind him. 

Cowley was glad this one was solid wood -- a glass panel would be in
pieces on the floor. He turned to the still silent Bodie expecting to hear
his accusations and indictments before he stormed out as well.

Bodie surprised him. He looked up from studying the site plans and spoke,
"It's a good plan, sir. I think we can carry it off -- with a few of our
own modifications, of course." He let a small grin appear. "It shouldn't
be as risky as you think, if we're careful and if we make some changes.
For example, you can bet that there is someone on the inside -- absolutely
above suspicion, naturally -- who is feeding the assassins information.
Our mistake with Parsali was to trust his judgement of his people."

Cowley listened in shock as Bodie continued with his plan. The Controller
had come to think of Doyle as the planner of the pair and was suddenly
forced to realize there might be a more equal distribution in that area
than he had previously suspected. *It's nice to see three-seven living up
to his full potential for a change. I wonder if this is new or have they
always shared the responsibility? * He shoved the question to the back of
his mind and concentrated on what Bodie was saying. He would consider the
implications later.

"No one knows why you called Ray and I here, right?" At Alpha One's nod,
he continued, "We'll keep it that way. You go on setting up everything as
planned, and we will leave as if nothing had been resolved. Just a couple
of ex-employees visiting to catch up. Then we'll set up an alternate site,
and when the time comes for the meeting our people will take the Sheik and
the PM there, and CI5's people will continue with the op just like you've
set it up here. Once the major parties have been redirected, then you
monitor all communications and hopefully catch the traitor before he
informs the assassins; thus they walk into a trap, or fail to make their
move. Either way we get the Sheik in and out of the country alive, and his
people are responsible after that. If they kill him on his turf, it's not
our lookout. And if we happen to help them catch a traitor, well, that
will just put him in our debt -- not a bad position to be in."

"You are asking for a lot of trust, Bodie." Both men were well aware if
Ray and Bodie decided to sell out and arrange the deaths of any of the
major parties they could be set for life.

"You've trusted us before, sir. And we were making a hell of a lot less
then. I think you know you can trust us now. Besides, I'm not suggesting
they leave their own security behind, only no one but us be informed of
the real site for the meeting until they actually arrive there. And then
no outside communication is to be allowed for the four to six hours you
estimate the meeting will take. If it runs longer than that there could be
problems, so try and make it clear to the PM that quick resolutions could
mean the difference between life and death, and of course we'll have to
make sure that no tracking devices are used on any of the party -- or our
own agents for that matter. It's not hard to bug someone without them
knowing it, as you should well know." Cowley glared but didn't argue;
Bodie had bugged and followed him on more than one occasion. He decided to
address his major concern. "Be that as it may, there is no *us* here right
now?"

"Doyle will come round."

Cowley very much doubted it but only said, "You talk to your partner and
I'll think about what you propose. Shall we meet in ... say ... three
hours at the Red Lion?"

They shook hands and Bodie left.

George Cowley brooded about what he would do now. It was a good plan and
he might even try to execute it, even when B and D Security turned him
down. And he had little doubt that turn him down they would. Doyle had
always led the partnership, and when he'd left Cowley's office the
Controller could tell his mind was made up and nothing was about to change
it. Bodie would follow as always.

He got up and decided to consult CI5's doctor about how much work Anson
and Murphy could do. It was possible while they couldn't work as
bodyguards they could set up a safe house for the meeting to be switched
to at the last minute as Bodie had suggested. No one was likely to be
watching them while they were out on sick leave. Exiting his office, he
debated between the lift and the stairs and decided the way the lift had
been running of late the stairs were the more reliable alternative. 

Quietly opening the door while lost in thought, he started down the
stairs. Before he had got very far Cowley was surprised to hear
Four-five's voice. He stopped to listen; apparently Bodie had just found
his partner.

"You told him we'd take the job, didn't you?" The voice held no anger, no
protest, only resignation.

"He needs us, sunshine." Bodie's voice was calm and assured.

"Know that, luv. But I need you, too. You know who's most likely to buy it
if anything goes wrong, don't you?" Both men knew Bodie would be in the
direct line of fire with Doyle a close second.

"Well, I've got a few plans, plus I'm going to insist on those new vests
from the States: lighter weight, yet stronger, not suppose to slow you
down like the ones we've got, and even dum dum's can't do any damage if
they can't get into your body. Could still get hurt but most likely not
fatal."

"And what about a head shot?" Doyle was not going to surrender easily.

"A professional hit man, with all the security we'll have on, and only one
or two shots possible before being stopped. No way, mate. That kind of
shot is just too likely to miss. He, or they, will go for the body."

Doyle nodded, surrendering. There had never been any doubt anyway. Bodie
wanted it and whatever his partner *really* wanted he got.

"You just remember if you're wrong to wait for me on the other side. I
won't be long in following."

Cowley risked a glance around the corner. Ray was seated on the landing,
his back to the wall and his knees drawn up. As he watched, Bodie knelt
down beside him and pulled him into his arms. Ray leaned against his mate
and rested his head on the dark-haired man's shoulder, his arms came up to
pull Bodie closer. Both men giving and receiving the needed comfort.

The embrace lasted no longer than half a minute, but it was enough. Doyle
lightened the mood as he pulled away, "So who's springing for the vests?"

"The Cow, of course." Bodie grinned at his partner, "And not just two
vests but four. One for you, one for me and one each for the Sheik and the
PM."

Ray chuckled, "That's going to go over like a lead balloon with all
parties concerned. And what about the old man's budget?"

"Bugger the budget. Cowley wants us; those are the terms of employment."
The kneeling man grinned at his seated partner, "Sortta nice being able to
dictate terms."

"And if he doesn't spring?"

"Then we don't play." Bodie stroked Ray's hair before continuing, "I want
to help the Cow but not at the cost of either of our lives. If he's not
willing to spend the money to give us the equipment we need then he's not
the man I thought he was and we walk. I won't argue. Deal?"

"Deal," Ray conceded. "So when and where do we meet him again?" he asked
as he stood, stretched, and reached a hand down to his partner. 

Bodie allowed Ray to pull him up and began to discuss the up coming
assignment as they continued on down the staircase, oblivious to the fact
they left a very surprised man standing on the stairs above them whose
only thought was, *How could I have read him so wrong? *

******

*Third Movement: MARCH*

The operation had gone like clock work. The Sheik and Prime Minister had
had a successful, uninterrupted meeting. The Sheik's step-daughter had
been caught trying to contact the terrorists with the change in location,
and the assassins had walked into CI5's trap. Two dead terrorists, one
injured, and no major CI5 casualties, just a few nicks and scratches and
one shoulder wound that would keep Stuart off duty for a couple of weeks.
B and D Security had lived up to their reputation; Bodie and Doyle were
justifiably proud. And any doubts which still remained about whether they
could be trusted with high security contracts had been removed by Cowley's
hiring them for this job. 

CI5's controller was torn between pride -- he'd helped to train them --
and sadness -- he missed them and not just as agents but friends as well.
In his job, people he could trust and rely on were few and far between.
These two had come as close as anyone in a long time. The sad part was he
doubted they would feel the same. Yet had he ever really known them? 

As George Cowley watched Ray Doyle walk away, he commented to the man
beside him, "It seems I didn't know either of you as well as I thought I
did."

"Sir?" Bodie was surprised by the statement. If he thought anyone knew
him, besides his partner, it was CI5's head.

"I never reckoned you'd live up to your full potential as a tactician. You
always preferred to let someone else take the lead -- especially myself or
Doyle." He turned and faced Bodie once Doyle was out of sight, a bit of
accusation in his tone, "And you let us. Hid that skill, never
volunteering .... Makes me wonder why?"

They'd come a long way over the years and the last two-and-a-half years
with Ray had given Bodie the secure foundation he needed to be honest.
"Never wanted the responsibility that kind of planning involved. Was
willing to take care of myself and my partner, but didn't want a lot of
other lives resting on my decisions -- not if I could help it anyway. I've
got better at assuming responsibility over the last couple of years -- has
to do with support. Besides, Ray takes too much guilt into himself -- this
way if I assume more of the responsibility it's not so hard on him if
things go wrong."

Cowley nodded, still a little shaken. Learning this about three-seven had
made him wonder just what had really gone on with Bodie's 'breakdown' and
that motorcycle gang. Well, the only one who could answer that was Bodie,
and maybe Doyle, but he doubted either man was going to talk. It wasn't
relevant now anyway; there was something else which had to be said and for
once he hadn't a clue how his agents would react. *His agents? Yes he
still thought of Three-seven and Four-five that way. Maybe with the truth?
... *

"Doyle was always hard for me to read ...." 

Bodie waited for his ex-boss to continue, but Cowley seemed reluctant to
do so. There was something the older man wanted to say; Bodie strove to
encourage him. "I still have trouble at times --"

He was interrupted before he could go on. "His emotions appear to be very
accessible, he gives the impression that what you see is all there is --
not at all like you. With you everything was buried deep, except how you
felt about Doyle; that became apparent to me within the first six months
of your pairing."

"Wish you'd told me. Took me a hell of a lot longer to figure it out."

"I didn't really think it mattered since Four-five was never that
involved."

"If you're going to try and tell me Doyle doesn't give a damn --"

"I'd never try to *tell* you that; although it's exactly what I believed
almost two years ago when I demanded your resignations. Ach, man, I know
enough not to try and convince two people in love it'll never work. No, I
figured you'd work it out for yourself within a few months. A year at most
-- "

Bodie angrily interrupted Cowley. He did not like what the Controller was
implying about his partner, "You don't know a damn thing about --" Cowley
held up his hand to stop the tirade. "That's become very apparent to me
over the last month since I hired the two of you back on this consult.
Actually, that first day back when I overheard your conversation in the
stairwell, I realized how badly I'd misjudged Doyle's attachment to you.
It seems your resignations were -- unnecessary."

"We weren't going to give each other --"

"It was never the homosexual aspect I objected to --"

"Then what the bloody hell was it?" For two years the question had preyed
on his mind. Finally, Bodie realized, he might get an answer.

"I assumed your relationship with Doyle would follow the same pattern all
his other relationships had. I'd never seen any sign from him his
commitment to you was any more permanent than Miss Holly or a myriad of
other women who passed through his bedroom with alarming regularity. Your
bedroom had quite the revolving door on it as well, if I remember
correctly, but it was my belief you'd give that up for Doyle. I could not
say the same for him. And it was my opinion you would not take the
inevitable breakup well. In your job ... with the risks involved on a
daily basis ..." Cowley's voice trailed off and he shrugged, "I was afraid
of what would happen as the relationship soured."

"In other words, you thought I'd blow an op and get myself killed in the
process --"

"I considered it a distinct possibility, and Four-five's guilt would have
him following you right into the ground. Not to mention any bystanders
when things went bad. It just seemed wisest to remove you and Doyle from
life or death situations until the relationship ended. And since no CI5
assignment is without risks ...."

"You figured I'd come crawling back --"

"Not crawling -- never that. I assumed the relationship would not survive
the stresses of being out of work, and after it had fallen apart one or
both of you would take some time to get your heads together and then
rejoin the squad, working separately, of course. But while I'd loose my
best team, I'd still have one or both of my top two agents."

"Well, you might have been right about everything else, but you missed the
target a mile when it came to Doyle."

"Yes. You appear to be inaccessible, Doyle actually is. It must have been
very difficult to get behind his walls."

"Not really. Don't have a clue as to how and when. Just one day woke up
and realized I was there but still ...." Bodie broke off. As close as he
was to Cowley, what he and Ray shared was too private to discuss with
anyone, even George.

The point of this discussion finally dawned on Bodie. "You want us back,
don't you? That's what all this is about? You expect us to give up
everything we've worked for over the last two years, to go back out and
risk our lives on the streets again --"

Cowley interrupted, shaking his head, "No, not on the streets again. I
heard Doyle that day on the stairs; he'd turn me down flat if I suggested
something along those lines. He's not about to risk you on a daily basis,
and if I can still read you at all, laddie, I'd say you feel the same way
about him. But I do want you two back." 

Explaining was difficult but the Controller was determined, "I'm in my
late fifties. If I'm lucky, I can keep up this pace for another ten years,
but that's trusting a lot to luck. I need backup I can rely on -- who
understands what CI5's all about and who doesn't give a damn about gaining
political power -- to help me run the organization both now and in the
future. I also need top men to help plan ops and security and to help
direct the teams. The job's getting to be too big for one man to do alone.
There's more need for our brief now than there ever was before, and I just
can't do it all. I think you and Doyle are the men I need to help me
position the organization for the future. There is still some risk. I've
been the target of more than one assassin, but it's not as dangerous as
being out on the street, and the three of us can make a difference." The
Controller of CI5 stopped there. He'd made his point. Bodie would take his
message and reasons back to Doyle and they'd decide. The future of CI5 was
again in the hands of his two most trusted agents.

"And what about the fact we're involved?" Bodie still doubted that it
wouldn't make a difference.

"Ach. As long as you're discreet, I don't give a damn, and I'll make sure
the ministers don't either. I'm owed enough favors to guarantee that. You
won't be the first pair of homosexuals in government and certainly not the
last. I know about the relationship, so that means no blackmail potential.
As long as you don't hit the gay bars nor go out dancing together --," 

Bodie snorted at this last image. He didn't dance with birds; wasn't about
to start with Doyle. 

Cowley smiled, *No three-seven wasn't likely to take his partner dancing.
* He continued, "In this day and age, with the Princess making no secret
of her homosexual friends, and the current more open climate towards gays,
no minister is likely to take ousting them up as a cause if they can avoid
it. Keep your noses clean, and it won't be a problem.

"And by the time I'm ready to retire in ten years or so -- well, I hope
the policy will be that sexual preference is irrelevant." Cowley clapped
Bodie on the back and concluded, "Just give it a little time and think
about my offfer."

Bodie nodded his agreement; he'd think about it. Still there was one major
problem, "I'll talk to Ray, but I'm not making any promises. He was a lot
more disturbed by your treatment than I was."

"I know. That was another surprise. Doyle's just so damn hard to read at
times." The Controller shook his head; Ray Doyle was truly a puzzle box.

Bodie had to smile. Cowley was repeating himself. *Doyle must really have
him shaken, * he decided. He could remember more than a few times he'd
felt the same way. When Ray shut himself off like he sometimes did he
could be a right pain. And getting an earful of Cowley's reasoning after
nearly two years of silence was bound to set the little sod off. For once
Bodie was glad he was just going to be the messenger boy. Let the Cow and
Doyle fight it out.

******

Bodie wined and dined Doyle that night. One of London's best restaurants,
then a West End play his partner had been dying to see, followed by
dessert at a popular night spot. Cowley'd pulled the strings to get them
tickets to the play, it'd been sold out for months -- whether it was his
way of apologising or he was trying to get on Doyle's good side Bodie
hadn't a clue -- but he wasn't about to look a gift cow in the mouth. Then
after the play he'd taken his partner for Cherries Jubilee at a nearby
restaurant and finally a taxi home.

Doyle had enjoyed himself immensely and was, Bodie thought, relaxed,
unsuspecting and ripe for the picking. He should have known better.

They'd let themselves into their flat, and as Bodie set the locks and
alarms, Ray went into the kitchen to make tea. Sitting at the table
waiting for the water to boil, Ray proved his partner still couldn't put
one over on him.

"Okay, mate. Give."

Bodie who'd been leaning with his back against the counter contemplating
his feet wondering how to bring up the subject -- not to mention wondering
what he himself wanted to do about all Cowley had told him -- looked up,
startled. "Give what?"

"Dinner, a play, Cherries Jubilee ... I don't get treated this well for me
birthday." Doyle smiled at a sudden memory. For his first birthday they'd
spent as lovers, one of his presents had been the gift of Bodie's arse.
It'd been at that moment he'd finally accepted that this was it and for
all time. It was a very fond memory. "Don't get me wrong, nothing can top
my pressie when we first got together, but you're up to something, so?..."

Bodie sighed. He never could fool his partner for long. He cut to the
chase. "Cowley wants us back as Deputy Controllers."

"He what!" Doyle's surprise was punctuated by the whistle of the tea
kettle, which made both men jump. He stood to make the tea, but it was
obvious he was distracted by what his mate had told him. Bodie hoped he
didn't burn himself.

"Damn!" Ray'd overfilled the pot and cussed as he jerked his fingers out
of the way.

"Come on and sit down and let me finish that --" Bodie got up and took
over from his distracted lover.

Ray leaned against the counter, staring hard at his partner. Anger at the
nerve of the man started to surface. "Now let me get this straight. Two
poofs aren't acceptable as agents, but they're just fine as deputy
controllers? That doesn't --"

Interrupting before Doyle could get on a roll, Bodie explained, "Seems the
homosexual aspect didn't bother him --"

"Well what the fuck --"

"Figured you'd break my heart. Get me killed, then yourself."

"Now why in hell --"

The tea done, Bodie put the cups on the table, then reached out and pulled
his lover into his arms. "Seems our George thought I was just another of
your passing fancies."

As what Bodie was trying to tell him finally sunk in, Ray shoved away and
paced the small room. Ranting at the world in general and about Cowley in
particular. "Of all the stupid, idiotic, moronic, short sighted, narrow
minded, penny pinching...." 

The words poured forth. Bodie was impressed. Ray had quite a vocabulary
when you got up his nose far enough. Cowley was far enough up for brain
surgery.

After a couple of minutes, Doyle ran out of steam. Bodie sipped his tea,
watching his mate calmly, then spoke. 

"You fooled everyone, luv. I didn't know `til you told me, and I'm a lot
closer to you than he is." 

"That's not the issue." Doyle was still pacing.

"Well, what -- "

"What'd he think? That I couldn't figure out for myself what would happen
to you if this went sour -- or me for that matter? Did he think my brains
were in my balls!? Why'd he think I waited six bloody years --"

"What the hell do you mean six years? Just when did you start fancying
me?" Suspicion laced Bodie's voice.

"The day you walked into the training center and turned your nose up at
the entire class." Ray grinned at his flabbergasted partner. He'd thought
Bodie knew this already. *Oh well, must have missed it during our heart to
hearts. *

"You're putting me on," Bodie crossed his arms, he was skeptical.

"Nope." Ray just grinned some more.

"But you knocked me flat on my arse. Acted like you didn't want to be my
partner. You couldn't stand me." Bodie said with conviction.

"That was no act, mate, I didn't! Bloody hell! Never had a bent thought in
my life, and suddenly this ego-on-legs walks in and I'm noticing what a
nice body he has. And those blue eyes -- never seen quite that colour
before, could've got lost in them, even back then. S`damn right I didn't
want you as my partner." The smile on Ray's face got bigger as he
remembered that day, "Got your attention and cooperation with that punch
though -- didn't I?"

"You sure did that." Bodie rubbed his jaw in fond memory. "Anyway, that's
what the Cow was up to when he demanded our resignations."

"So *now* he's convinced I'm not going to dump you."

"Yeah. Guess he figures two-and-a-half years is a good indication this
isn't one of our passing flings."

Doyle nodded. Finally things made sense. He was still pissed as hell at
the old man, but at least he understood his reasoning better. And bottom
line, he had been protecting them. True he'd been wrong, but it made more
sense than the idea Cowley was homophobic. Still, there was a major
unanswered question in all of this. He looked at his partner, their eyes
met and knew. 

He asked it anyway, "So what do you want to do?"

"Ray, love, I haven't got a clue."

******

Doyle had mulled, brooded, and meditated on all Bodie had revealed about
their ex-boss' motives and machinations. Now he knew the truth -- as much
as he was ever likely to -- he wasn't surprised the old man hadn't wanted
to be the one to tell him. Cowley avoided his temper whenever possible,
and a shouting match between the two of them over Bodie would have
accomplished nothing but to drive the wedge deeper. 

In the end it all came down to three questions: one -- could he forgive
the Cow, two -- was he willing to live with the added risk being a deputy
controller would entail, and, finally and most importantly, which job did
he and Bodie want more? The answer to the first two was probably yes, but
the question of the job was harder to decide.

As head of a well respected and highly in demand security firm, he and
Bodie could name their price, chose the jobs they wanted, and have a great
deal of control over the handling of any operation. As deputy controllers
they were back under George Cowley again, and there was no doubt in his
mind the biggest problem with that was he knew for a fact he couldn't
trust the old man. If he thought it was for the good of their country,
Alpha One would hang them out to dry again and again. Their six years in
CI5 had proven that. There were less than a handful of missions which
qualified, and he'd watched their backs when he could, but still ... when
it came down to it they were reguarded as expendable. So going back would
mean watching both his and Bodie's backs to make sure they were covered.

He was pretty sure he could do that. Cowley had a conscience, which boiled
down to the reality that every time he'd set them up he'd telegraphed the
fact. *So if we're careful and keep an eye out .... Still, do I want to
sell out and take the CI5 job? *

They'd had a couple of lucrative offers for their business since rumors of
their possible return to CI5 had surfaced. Their firm with all it's
contracts was now quite valuable. If they invested the money wisely and
didn't live too high on the hog, they could live on it for quite a long
time -- fifteen, maybe twenty years. And if the pay for deputy controllers
was added into the equation, they should be set for life. Money wasn't
likely to be a worry in the future, and Cowley had even said they could do
consults for their old firm provided there were no conflicts of interest.
That could bring in a pretty penny, too.

So it was back to the job and the risks involved.

It hadn't mattered back in his twenties when a shield of invincibility
seemed to surround him, but loving Bodie and being loved by him had made
life all the more cherished, and he wasn't sure he'd willingly see his
lover ever in the roll of target again.

*So what's the appeal of CI5? Why even consider Cowley's offer? * He
argued with himself, but he knew the answer -- they both did. They
respected and admired the old man, believed in the work the organization
did, and thought they could make a difference.

He sighed. It was time to talk to George Cowley.

******

"I misjudged you. That's the mistake I made, but what would you suggest I
have done?" George Cowley wasn't apologetic nor defensive; he merely
stated the facts.

"You could have tried talking to me privately about your fears. Given me a
chance --" He saw the Controller's skeptical look and stopped, asking,
"What?"

"I never doubted the existence of your feelings, only their durability. I
doubt there would have been anything you could have said at the time to
convince me Bodie wasn't going to be another --"

"There was a difference!"

"I know that now, but only time has convinced me of the fact." At Doyle's
start of protest, Cowley hurried on, "Don't forget I've watched you
through numerous relationships, and each time you'd appear to be deeply
involved, but they never worked out, never lasted. There was no reason at
the time to suppose Three-seven was going to be any different. While his
level of commitment to you had been apparent since early in your
partnership, your commitment to him never appeared to contain the same
depth --" 

Before he could go on with his evaluation, Doyle interrupted, "You're a
fool, George." The Controller was stunned into silence by the man's use of
his first name and his statement. Ray propped himself on the window ledge
in the Controller's office and went on, "I suppose it never occurred to
you the reason none of my relationships with women worked out was because
I was in love with Bodie."

"You showed no signs --"

"I should bloody well hope not!" Doyle's loud voice filled the room; he
stood up, strode across the room, his palm slammed hard on the
Controller's desk. "I'd had a couple of years doing undercover work with
the drugs squad -- learned to hide any feelings I had by the time I joined
the mob -- if I hadn't I'd have been dead many times over. And homosexual
desires for another man were very high on my list of things to hide." A
hard look met his former boss' scrutiny.

"Your psych tests --"

Ray calmed down a bit and perched a hip on the edge of Cowley's desk. "My
psych tests showed I was adaptable and somewhat liberal in my sexual
behavior -- they're good, but not that good. They can read stress but not
the cause, they can spot desire, but you can fool them about the object of
that desire. I just misdirected the interviewer to some of my wilder
exploits --"

"So, you'd had other homosexual desires and experiences?"

"Not a one. Shook me quite a bit when I walked into that first training
class and fell flat on my arse in lust for one William Andrew Philip
Bodie. Quite an awakening for a twenty-five year old heterosexual, I
assure you." He paused to remember those first days, shaking his head at
the memories, a small smile kissing his lips, then continued his
explanation, "Figured it was just a passing thing; so I acted tough, stood
up to the conceited sod, and screwed any female who'd let me on the
weekends.

Doyle chuckled at the recollection. "Didn't help a damn bit. Fell in lust
for his body and then his sense of humor made me fall in love." He pushed
off his perch to pace, the memories making him tense as he continued his
revelations. He wanted, needed, this man to understand. Without that
understanding there could be mistakes in the future which could prove
disastrous for all concerned. Cowley had to be aware that for Ray, Bodie
came first. The younger man didn't regret the last two years in the least,
but the misunderstanding whihc had led to them couldn't be allowed to
repeat itself. It'd been costly enough as it was. Doyle didn't want to
think of the people who might still be alive if he and Bodie had remained
with the squad.

"I don't know .... I've never been able to figure out the whys and
wherefores ...." Ray fought his natural tendency to hide his emotions as
he strove to explain, "I tried to tell myself it was just time to settle
down. `Cept that I'd been getting serious with a girl over the last few
months before the training started and within two weeks of meeting Bodie
had broken it off. Blamed it on the stresses of the new job and demands of
the training program, but t'was a bunch of shite that. Was Bodie even
then." A smile hovered on the younger man's face; the memories were
pleasant.

"Figured I'd become a nutter and ought to have had myself committed. I
mean not only to fall hard for a man -- when I'd never been inclined that
way before, mind you. But Bodie. I mean BODIE! Walking ego on legs, he
was. Or at least that's what I thought until I got to know him."

Cowley sat silently, afraid any comment he might make would stop Doyle's
revelations. Never before had Ray given a glimpse of how his mind worked
to the Controller. He doubted the man had ever opened up to anyone this
much -- except for Bodie of course; from Bodie apparently nothing was
hidden. This last month of working with the men again had demonstrated
their two-and-a-half years together had given both men the security and
confidence to confront and deal with their emotions in a much more open
and healthy manner than ever before.

Doyle continued his explanation, "Didn't know whether to thank God or
curse the devil when you assigned him as my partner. In the end, I
reckoned working that close should cure my adolescent infatuation.
Instead, I finally got to see the real person." Ray leaned forward to
drive his point home. "He was so scared he wasn't going to make it into
CI5. Was the best at all the military and physical stuff, but the police
procedures and working with people -- was really hard for him, that. He
didn't want to let me see it .... Hell, our first couple of weeks as
partners, he covered with ego and bluster ...." Doyle met Cowley's gaze,
"You know what he's like when he's feeling unsure." The Controller nodded.
When Bodie was feeling uncertain, he covered it with posturing and
bravado. It made those who didn't know him well think he was over
confident; when, in truth, it meant he was at his most insecure. Cowley
finally spoke, "He covers well, but, yes, I know what you mean."

Ray nodded, shooting his boss another grin. "I was getting fed up by then,
I can tell you, but when that army man washed out .... Was almost as good
as Bodie, he was. Could tell that that shook my partner. 

"He didn't say anything -- doubt he could even admit it to himself -- but
this time when I offered to help he didn't make any cutting remarks, or
smart arsed comments; he took all the help I could give him and worked
with me. You know -- one more sarky word from him and I'd have let him
hang -- but when he quit hiding and let me see his fear ... I was lost.
Head over heels in lust and love and it's never changed." 

Doyle fell silent, but Cowley waited; he could sense there was just a wee
bit more to come. The final bit of truth was revealed, "All those
birds.... I'd just get tired of getting nowhere with my straight partner
and try and give up on him ... find someone else to love." Ray studied the
floor and walls a bit then turned and faced his boss again. "I'm not a
masochist, you know. Mooning over someone I can never have isn't my style.
So I pretended to myself and them that they meant something -- all driven
and intense, this had to be the one -- yet when it came down to it," Ray
shrugged, "no one ever came close to Bodie." He shook his head, a sadness
seemed to hang over him. "Guess I hid it too well. You never saw it
because my behavior towards him never changed; I'd felt that way for him
from damn near day one."

"Ach, laddie, I still don't see how I missed it ...."

The younger man raised his eyebrows and smiled, asking, "You ever study
magic, sir?" 

Cowley looked puzzled, *What the hell did that have to do with anything? *

Seeing his boss' displeasure, Doyle shoved down a smile and went on to
explain, "It's mostly a matter of misdirection. Making everyone watch your
left hand, while it's the right that's picking the pocket."

The Controller nodded. *The spy game was a lot like that as well. * His
irritation rose as Doyle seemed to change the subject yet again.

"Can twist Bodie around my little finger -- you know?"

Cowley nodded; that had been apparent from early on in the partnership. In
fact, he'd found that aspect of their pairing very worrisome. Independent,
bloody-minded, Bodie would almost never refuse anything Ray Doyle wanted.
Even when he couldn't get Three-seven to listen, Doyle could.

"Can read Bodie too. Understand him. Know when something's really
important."

Another change of subject had Alpha One ready to read the riot act to the
younger man. *Needs to learn to stick to a topic, not meander around hill
and dale, * he groused to himself. He still wasn't willing to get up
Doyle's nose, he hadn't said he'd come back to CI5 yet.

The Controller's temper finally flared, "Your point?"

"I always made sure Bodie got what he wanted. Just made sure no one
noticed that was what I was up to." His ex-boss looked skeptical. Ray
elaborated, "Remember the restaurant bombing that injured Bodie and almost
killed his current bird and how mad he was?"

"No one was going to get in his way on that ...."

"I could have, you know. If I'd wanted to. We had it out, stared each
other down, but I gave in and didn't fight him too hard on it. Then there
was the time with the biker gang; let him get away with that, too, didn't
I?"

"And what *that* did you let him --" Cowley was never one to pass up an
opportunity to confirm his suspicions.

Doyle shook his head in denial. "Sorry, it's between Bodie and me. But I
let him have his head and supported him all I could -- even though he
wouldn't tell me what was going on.

"Was simple, really, to misdirect everyone. Just made my stands and won my
battles with things which didn't really matter to him. When it counted,
let him have his way."

"I'm surprised I never caught on."

"Why should you? Wasn't you I was trying to hide it from so much as
Bodie." Doyle had stopped his pacing and was perched back on the window
ledge, his legs stretched out in front of him, he studied his trainers
intently, "I knew early on, if he ever suspected how I felt, he'd either
break the partnership or treat me like a doormat. Wasn't about to let
either happen. Worked so hard at hiding it that I had everyone fooled --
myself included, most of the time."

Ray chuckled, "Eventually I realized he was starting to care and tried to
let him know how I felt; dumb crud missed all the cues. Finally had to
practically hit him over the head with it for him to figure it out." 

A huge smile appeared on Doyle's face as he concluded, "We got there in
the end, and that's what counts." The revelations were over, and Cowley
doubted he'd ever again be given an opportunity to look so deeply into the
heart of the young man before him, but once was enough. Only death would
separate the pair of them. 

Doyle moved the subject on, "So, Bodie says you want us back as
operational coordinators?"

Cowley nodded, accepting that the subject of his agent's relationship was
now closed. "I need you two. You're good. Best I've seen, and I think
together we could really make some progress. These last two years have
been more standing still, or losing ground, than making any headway at
setting up a genuine criminal intelligence organization. Not to mention
not making headway against several terrorist groups. Our funding has
increased significantly, yet I've not been able to make good use of the
added funds: too many projects, too few agents, and no one else who has a
clear grasp of the big picture. You two could do that."

"And risking us? Setting us up? Using us in dangerous situations because
we're the best?" Doyle was still very leery of losing his mate.

"I can't promise never to do it -- the pair of you are too damn good --
but you can bet it will be only in the most desperate of circumstances --"

Looking just the slightest bit hostile, Doyle stared his boss down. "Then
I guess we'd better reserve the right in our contracts to turn down any
operation we're not comfortable with --"

"Don't be ridiculous, Doyle; I can't grant you something like that."

"You will if you want us back. Look, neither of us has talked about it,
but you'd better just assume if you lose one of us, you're going to lose
both." He watched the Controller carefully to see if he was getting the
message. He was.

Doyle drove home the point, "If we end up that good in the jobs you've got
planned, then losing both of us is not something CI5 could afford. It's
part of our judgement call." As Cowley started to interrupt, Doyle held up
his hand. "And don't try to tell us that it'll never happen. It's happened
one too many times for me to believe that.

"Besides, even if I trusted you, there are several ministers, heads of
other organizations, the Home Secretary .... Well, you get the idea. They
just might consider us expendable, but if we've got a right of refusal
clause .... One, we've got a way out, two, it might discourage them from
trying anything on, and, finally, if they do, you can point the clause out
to them and tell them your hands are tied."

"And if I agree?"

"I never could refuse Bodie."

"If you're just doing it for Three-seven's sake --"

"No. I want it, too. Maybe even more than him, but not if it means losing
him. Or for that matter, having to live with fear eating away at me on a
daily basis. So what's it to be?"

"I'll have the contracts drawn up for the pair of you to sign. How soon
could you be ready?"

Doyle thought about it. "Well, we've got a very good offer -- from a
couple of good men, too. Ex-CI5 and ex-MI5, Smithers and Weston. One's too
old, and the other's out on disability -- neither man wants to retire nor
sit behind a desk and push paper. The security firm is a good compromise
-- not as risky or physically demanding as being a field agent, yet you're
not stuck behind a desk all day. Bodie and I had got to like it quite a
bit, especially after Pamela came to work for us and took over the worst
of the admin."

"They're good men," Cowley observed. "Not able to do the type of bodyguard
work that the pair of you do, but they can either hire someone or
concentrate on their corporate clients, and the spare government contract,
of course. And as for Ms Kaye, you were very lucky to get her."

"Know that. You do know we never hired someone we thought would stay with
CI5?"

"Aye, lad. The ones you hired would have left no matter what. CI5 isn't
for everyone. I'll make good use of you and Bodie if you come back."

"Loaning us out to other agencies, you mean. Going to use us to accumulate
some favors I'd be willing to bet."

"Ach, laddie, you've got to make wise use of your resources." Doyle
thought the Cow looked incredibly smug at the prospect of other government
groups queuing up for Bodie and Doyle's services. Seeing Four-five's look
of mild disgust, he added, "Don't worry; CI5 plans to make full use of the
pair of you. I'll be loaning you out only in very special circumstances." 

George Cowley reached into his desk and pulled out a bottle and some
glasses. Doyle grinned; this was the very best stuff. He watched as his
future boss poured. Before he could put the bottle up, Ray said, "Better
pour another one." At the old man's raised eyebrow, Ray glanced at his
watch and elaborated, "Bodie's due in about three minutes -- assuming of
course that he --" A knock on the Controller's door stopped him in
mid-sentence. 

Cowley pulled out another glass and poured a generous measure before
raising his voice and calling, "Come in and have a drink, man."

Bodie opened the door, glanced at Cowley, then at his mate, and a huge
grin appeared. He shut the door, walked over and grabbed his glass. 

"So, when do we start, sunshine?"

The Controller answered before Ray had a chance to. "So, you two had
already decided to take the jobs before my meeting with Doyle?"

"No, sir," Ray replied. Cowley looked puzzled. For all of Doyle's claims
that his and Bodie's partnership was equal, he still seemed to be the one
leading.

Realizing what was disturbing the older man, Bodie tried to give him some
additional insight into how he and Doyle worked together. "We both had our
doubts, but I knew Ray would be the better negotiator, be able to explain
things better. I could tell from his expression when I walked in that he'd
got what we wanted, so he'd agreed for both of us. If he hadn't, I was
here to join in the negotiations and keep tempers under control." 

The smug look of superiority Bodie shot his boss got right up Cowley's
nose. He held his tongue. It was quickly becoming apparent the old double
act had risen to even greater heights. *Ah, well, if nothing else, it'll
keep me on my toes, * he mused to himself. *Better not let them think they
can get the upper hand. *

Before he could say anything, Doyle raised his glass. "Don't know `bout
you two, but negotiating is thirsty work. How about a toast to the
future?"

The three men raised their glasses in salute and then drank the liquor
down, determined that together they'd make a difference.

-- THE END --

*August 1997*

   Archive Home