The Professionals Circuit Archive - The Importance of Being Hairy The Importance of Being Hairy by The Hag Poor Bungo Chubb had cause to be Of fellow hobbits wary: They laughed at him behind his back Because his feet weren't hairy. He started on a winter's quest Drawn by a wild-eyed notion That he might find some wizard who Would sell a hair-growth potion. He wandered over hill and dale, He hither went and yond, And found a hapless elf trapped in A frozen-solid pond. His hair was wild with chestnut curls, His eyes were green of hue, And Bungo really fancied him Although his skin was blue. "The water was so summer-warm "I slept a sleep profound, "A-dreaming of the one I'd love "But never yet have found. "I slept so long the season changed, "So can you free me, please?" "I'll break the ice," our Bungo said, "Though my bald feet may freeze." So Bungo, he lay down and thrust Against the ice so chilly, It melted from the blazing lust That heated up his willy. Into his arms the elf did swim To finish off the thawing. They fell in love so fast the story's Bloody nearly boring. "It's you I dreamed," the elf proclaimed, "I've hair enough for two. "This pledge I give: my heart and all "My Rogaine is for you. "And if you'd like a change of pace "My boss, old Ponto G, "Will take you on for CI5 "To partner there with me." Triumphantly, on hirsute feet, Chubb marched back to the Shire, And hobbit girls who'd always scoffed Now gathered to admire. He kissed them all and bade farewell. They sadly went to see Him screech off with his nameless love Inside a Ford Capri. Archive Home